Term of the Night: "much, much better than new"

 "much, much better than new"--after a repair onstage or after a paint call, where the set looks all bright and new, a stagehand or a scenic may say, "Much, much better than new," in a sarcastic or boastful manner. The line comes from an old Meineke Muffler commercial from the 1980's.

Term of the Night: willing lambs to the slaughter

willing lambs to the slaughter--producers with dubious Broadway vehicles. "When I read in today's Times that a musical about Cher was in the works, I thought of the producers, where Broadway has a 90 percent failure rate, as willing lambs to the slaughter.

Term of the Day: my zombie apocalypse stash

my zombie apocalypse stash--important, common-use items hidden by a propman or carpenter for future emergency use and only given up grudgingly. "Those are my last two rolls of double-face tape, from my zombie apocalypse stash...I don't really want to give them up."

Term of the Day: juke-box musical

juke-box musical--musicals based on the pop music of one old star or a time period (1950's or 1960's). Some hit big ("Jersey Boys" will  have run for 11 years  when it closes; "Moving Out" ran for about two years, and "Beautiful" is still going strong), but most fail, like:

"Good Vibrations" (Beach Boys)
"Makes Me Wanna Holler" (Tupac Shakur)
"Bullets Over Broadway" (1920's popular music, finale was "Yes, We Have No Bananas")
"Saturday Night Fever" (Bee Gees)
"Dream" (music of Johnny Mercer, bombed  in 1997)

Term of the Day: the fix was in

the fix was in--Things were determined a long time ago. Even though the heads' jobs for the new Hudson Theatre were listed in the union newsletter, the fix was in months ago.

Term of the Day: ass-kissy

ass-kissy-- adjective describing a stagehand known for laughing at head's bad jokes, buying unasked-for cups of coffee.

Term of the Moment: the best part of the production period...

"The best part of the production period is when the producers run out of money and stop holding 8 a.m. work calls.""The frantic work calls during the production period were suddenly cancelled. We realized the producers had blown their wad." "Even if the producers cry poverty, if there are still work calls, there is still money." 

Term of the Day: "I love the smell of overtime in the morning-"

"I love the smell of overtime in the morning"--on that hard-to-achieve sixth day of work on load-ins,  those who work all six days start the day at time and a half. The quote is a takeoff of the Robert Duvall line in "Apocalypse Now."

Term of the night: backstabby

backstabby--an adjective describing a stagehand prone to backstabbing, but not a major shit-stirrer.
"Watch your back, he's a bit backstabby when it comes to union politics."

Term of the Morning: "Having fun and making money."

"Having fun and making money"--another good sarcastic line when there is chaos at the theater. Nothing rankles your enemies more than being happy and unflappable.

Term of the Night: "Happy to be here!"

"Happy to be here!"--as Rome burns and the load-in goes south, don't complain or pick sides. Put a broad smile on your face and say, "Happy to be here!" It is a personal shield more appropriate for Indians than heads. Also, you can say when there is blood on the floor, "Happy to have the job."

Term of the Night: Broadway quality

Broadway quality--sarcastic comment of quality of work being done. "That's not Broadway quality!" "Those streamers are Broadway quality."

Term of the Day: when you're happy and you know it

when you're happy and you know it--when the piece is in the right place and you can screw it down. From the old children's diddy.

Overheard Stagehand Line #11: "These producers are so nice..."

"These producers are so nice, but we are still going to bill them for every hour." Even when you like the producers, you still have to get paid.

Term of the Day: they're not done flogging us

they're not done flogging us-- no end to the work calls during the production period. While doing production on a Broadway show, there is a seemingly endless period of 8am work calls. During the production period of the unsuccessful 2016 musical "Shuffle Along," the crew worked for 33 days straight, with many 8am calls.

Term of the Day: "somebody's got a tax shelter"

 "somebody's got a tax shelter"--when the producers are spending money hand over fist on a show that is destined to bomb, some wag might say,  "Somebody's got a tax shelter."

Term of the Night: lush roller

lush roller--a petty criminal who specializes in robbing drunks passed out on the subway. It is a lost art, where the robber cuts a U-shaped hole in the front pocket of the passed-out drunk and pulls the wallet out. This happened to a famously drunk stagehand in the last few years on the subway going out to Queens.A man is his early eighties was arrested for lush rolling last year.

Term of the Night: whipping chain

whipping chain--when short bits of chain are wrapped around the wheels of heavy items like Knack boxes, road boxes, electric boxes and dollies full of lumber to prevent them from rolling off the sidewalk or down a loading ramp. Experienced stagehands can whip the chain in one quick motion, wrapping the chain around the wheels and stopping the boxes from rolling.

Term of the Night: an out-to-pasture head

an out-to-pasture head--a head who has stayed beyond their expiration date, is physically or emotionally incapable of doing their job, or abdicates the decision making and hiring to underlings.

Term of the Day: elder tantrum

elder tantrum--sudden, usually inappropriate bursts of anger from older stagehands, set in their ways.

Term of the Day: a vista scene change

a vista scene change-- scene change in view of the audience. "The flying out of the 32,000 pound mansion unit during 'Sunset Boulevard' was one of the greatest a vista scene changes I have ever seen."

Term of the Day: color-blind casting

color-blind casting-- where actors are hired regardless of race or ethnicity. In modern times, this was pioneered by Joseph Papp at the the Public Theatre, who would cast African-Americans and Latinos in Shakespeare, as well as white actors in traditionally non-white roles. There was actually some blowback from prominent black playwrights, like August Wilson, who objected to color-blind casting, saying that it might imperil funding for black theater companies.

Quote of the Night: "He's got a heart of gold, but a head like concrete."

"He's got a heart of gold, but a head like concrete"--said of a self-destructive stagehand, who is well meaning, but makes foolish decisions, often getting himself fired from different venues.

Term of the Day: proptumes

proptumes--costumes used only for set dressing, not worn by actors.

Term of the Day: "I don't know. I'm not paid to know."

"I don't know. I'm not paid to know"-- the ultimate Indian response...I'm just doing what I'm told to do, I don't have any answers.

Money Term of the Day: in confusion, there is money

in confusion, there is money--when the tech does not have his or her shit together, there is always unforeseen overtime and extra hires, making stagehands extra money.

Term of the Day: shit-stirring with a big spoon

shit-stirring with a big spoon--professional gossip mongering on an epic level.

Term of the Night: sandbar

sandbar--incident or snag that stops a load-in or part of a load-in cold in its tracks. "PRG sent us a broken controller, so we weren't to operate motors to lower the empty road boxes into the trap. It was the sandbar that stopped everything."

Term of the Night: isle of sloth

isle of sloth--theater or TV department where the stagehands have no interest in working, often stocked with badly trained children of stagehands. "The Outside Prop Room was a real isle of sloth, where the young stagehand wouldn't stop watching TV as the interns raided the prop bins."

Term of the night: rice bowl issue

rice bowl issue--jurisdictional dispute over who gets the work. Can be between departments in a theater, different locals or different unions. "It was a rice bowl issue over who sets the tech tables, the carpenter or the prop man."

Term of Loyalty: "You the boss, I'm the hoss."

"You the boss, I'm the hoss"-- You are in charge, I'm just the worker, ready to do hard work. Overheard from a head who was working as a day laborer for the day.

Term of the Day: "moving deck chairs on the Titanic"

"moving deck chairs on the Titanic"--making small changes too late to fix a doomed show. "They made changes to the first act, but it was like moving deck chairs on the Titanic."

Term of the Day: to poach

to poach--to steal a good stagehand from another boss, to take without permission. "During the loadout season, the head of one theater poached several good carpenters from another head."

Term of the Moment: Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.

Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me-- when dealing with dishonest people (tech, certain bosses), it is important not to get screwed twice. The second time is your own fault.

Term of the Night: robbing Peter to pay Paul

robbing Peter to pay Paul-- when desperate for hardware, you have to cannibalize or steal from other parts of the theater. "To finish the seat call, I had to rob Peter to pay Paul, taking seat parts from other parts of the orchestra to make my repairs."

Term of the Day: second-acting, second-actors

second-acting--the time-honored tradition of poor actors, students and others of going into a Broadway show without a ticket at intermission to see the second act. The actor John Leguizamo talked about second-acting with his deaf uncle in his youth as a theater rat from Queens. The Village Voice published a "how-to" piece on second-acting in the 1970's. The New York Times published a feature on the practice on September 25, 2016. Sadly, because of high theater prices and security concerns in the Age of Terror, ushers are better at checking tickets, so the practice has mostly died out. The people who do second-acting are called second-actors.

Term of the Day: stagehand years

stagehand years--the age that a stagehand's body may feel like could be different from his or her actual age, from years of pushing cable boxes onto trucks, carrying tech tables and building steel deck. "I just turned 50, but in stagehand years, I don't feel a day under 60."

Term of the Day: first sweep

first sweep--prop man's #1, the first assistant. "Bill is the first sweep at that theater." See also: first broom.

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #10: "You're welcome as a guest..."

"You're welcome as a guest, but I don't need a roommate"--a crusty old house carpenter said this to a roadman who was trying to move into his office for the run-of-show. The roadman then built a primitive office for himself in the basement.

Term of the Day: ride it down the bottom

ride it down to the bottom--when you sty on a show 'til the bitter end. "A friend stayed on Spamalot 'til the end of the run, riding it down to the bottom."

Term of the Day: to sweat someone

to sweat someone--to pursue someone relentlessly, in looking for work or in love. "The young stagehand kept sweating the older head, trying to get on his crew."

Term of the Night: Dr. Nice

Dr. Nice--famously nasty head, who often terrorized his men. He was the  curator of Schindler's List.

Broadway Blooper #5: throwing out the "On Golden Pond" set

throwing out the "On Golden Pond" set--When"On Golden Pond" with James Earl Jones closed suddenly after the elderly star got pneumonia in the summer of 2005, there were two trailers--one with the set and one with garbage. When the tour was being set up, the general  manager found out that the storage company had thrown out the set trailer and kept the garbage trailer.

Term of the Day: spreading the wealth around

spreading the wealth around--when a head deliberately gives calls to multiple stagehands to make sure people have work. Or some heads don't: "I wish he'd spread the wealth around, he only hires the same five stagehands."

Term of the Day: phantom production

phantom production--a fake Broadway show. A theater agent named Roland Scahill was convicted in August 2016 of defrauding investors of $165,000 for a fake play on the life of the opera diva Kathleen Battle, which was to play at the Booth Theatre. Scahill claimed the actress Nupita Nyong'o was going to play Battle and that the show was going to be filmed for Netflix. Neither the play nor the Netflix connection existed. Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance referred to the Kathleen Battle play as a "phantom production."

Here are the Times and Daily News articles: 
  New York Times article

NY Daily News

Term of the Night : The "It's Over" Meeting

The "It's Over" Meeting--the load-out meeting. When an actress at a recent show of mine saw the production crew and house heads sitting in the house discussing the load out, she said in a chirpy voice, "Oh, it's the 'it's over' meeting." She was right.

Term of the Day: rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic

rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic--making changes on a doomed play or musical that have no impact. See also: "Might as well throw the money onstage and burn it."

Broadway Blooper #4: "The Pirate Queen" set

"The Pirate Queen" set--a Broadway bomb that opened and closed at the Ford Center in 2007. A major screw up took place when the scenic plans were drawn up and did not accommodate the three extra feet for the show deck. The set had cannons that came in and out for pirate battles and blew smoke. Since the set was three feet too high, the cannons were buried in the top of the proscenium. Three feet had to be chopped off the bottom of the set at the theater.

Term of the Day: God's gift to chorus girls

God's gift to chorus girls--several older stagehands on Broadway, with an inflated sense of their sex appeal to young dancers.

Term of the Day: throw a spanner in the works

throw a spanner in the works-- to deliberately create mayhem. "The carpenter threw a spanner in the works by not stacking his platforms off the deck, screwing the electrician 'til after lunch."

Overheard Term of the Day: "An actress wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire"

"An actress wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire"--said by an elderly New York actress, circa 1991. A reference to the cutthroat competitiveness in the New York theater world.

Broadway Blooper #3: "Rebecca" and the Ponzi schemer

"Rebecca" and the Ponzi schemer--"Rebecca" was a $12-million musical based on the film of the same name that was supposed to go into the Broadhurst. The producer was a successful Off-Broadway producer trying to make it to the Broadway musical ranks. The show started its load-in twice and both times ran out of money. The second time, the show was short several million dollars. Somehow, the lead producer was introduced to a convicted Ponzi schemer, who claimed that he had an international businessman willing to invest $4.5 million. The businessman suddenly "died" of malaria, but probably didn't exist in the first place. The show fell apart in August 2012. Patrick Healy wrote a helpful article in the New York Times on October 2, 2012, laying out the scam. For those who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a pyramid scheme, named after an early 20th century Italian con artist.

The sad part is 100 stagehands, actors, musicians and others lost their jobs.

Term of the Day: day player

day player--stagehand hired day by day on a load in, usually doesn't have a spot on the show.

Broadway Blooper #2: the sword fight at "I Hate Hamlet"

the sword fight at "I Hate Hamlet"--In May 1991, Paul Rudnick's play "I Hate Hamlet" was mounted on Broadway at the Walter Kerr. Nicole Williamson, a storied British Shakespearean actor and more storied drunk, hit his fellow actor Evan Handler in the back with a sword in an unscripted, violent move. Evan Handler left the stage, gave notice and walked out of the theater. He claimed that he was quitting, due to management allowing Williamson's abuse of the other actors. All this was documented in Alex Witchel's column in the New York Times, May 4, 1991.

Broadway Blooper of the Night: Minelli flu

Minelli flu--Liza Minelli came into "Victor/Victoria" in January 1997 for what was supposed to be four weeks, but she lasted for three. Liza kept on stepping on co-star Tony Robert's lines, so he told stage management that he was going to have "the flu" for the last two weeks of her contract. The New York Post found out about it and Post front-page headlines screamed "MINELLI FLU!"

Term of the Night: kaibosh, kibosh

kaibosh, kibosh(sounds like Yiddish, but the etymology indicates it may be Gaelic[Irish])--to put an absolute stop to something. "The PSM put a kaibosh on the cast and crew texting backstage."

Term of the Day: to give props

to give props-- respect, proper respect, respect that is due, a compliment. "I have to give you props for that beautiful dance number you choreographed." "Give him his props...he's a head of department."

Term of the Night: a knuckle-dragger

a knuckle-dragger--not a bright guy, exhibiting ape-like qualities, maybe strong for his size.

Term of the Day: to rabbi

to rabbi--to rabbi someone, to mentor a stagehand, using rabbi as a verb. "He rabbied me, giving me work when I needed to get my third year to finish my card time."

Term of the Night: Hollywood sober

Hollywood sober--where someone has given up the hard drugs like coke and heroin, but smokes a lot of reefer to make up for it.

Term of the Night: in his cups

in his cups--to be drunk (archaic)

Term of the Night: "Let's go get an olive soup"

"Let's go get an olive soup"-a martini, "Let's go get a martini."

Term of the Night: NSFW

NSFW-- not safe for work. Stories that are offensive, misogynistic or sexist and should not be told at work. Or in the digital age, videos or pictures that may be offensive. I wouldn't show people that video...it's NSFW."

Term of the Night: "He had handles on his back"

"He had handles on his back"--noticing an obvious candidate to be thrown under the bus.

Motto of the Night: "Never Missed a Performance"

"Never Missed a Performance"--this is the motto of the Theatre District firehouse n West 48th Street and 8th Avenue, which includes Engine 54, Ladder 4, as well as the chief of the 9th Battalion of the FDNY. The attacks at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 started at 8:48am, which coincided with the shift change at firehouses across the city.  At Engine 54, Ladder 4, both the incoming and outgoing crews crammed into their rigs to save lives at the World Trade Center. Fifteen officers and men, including the battalion chief and his driver, made the supreme sacrifice that day when the Twin Towers collapsed. The firehouse also uses the comedy and drama masks as part of their emblem. 

NSFW Line of the Day: "When you start coming with the customers, it's time to quit"

"An old whore once told me, when you start coming with the customers, it's time to quit"--when you get too close to the material and you begin to believe that mediocre writing is good. I worked at Saturday Night Live for several years, from 2010 to 2013. The writing was awful in the skits, two minutes of genius and seven minutes of filler. When we read the scripts, we'd think they weren't that bad, when they really were. We had gotten too close to the material, hoping that it could be better than it was. A stagehand has to keep his/her mercenary distance. I thought of the old Bill Macy line from the David Mamet movie "Homicide," where one cop tells another, "An old whore once told me, when you start coming with the customers, it's time to quit."

Term of the Night: "Forever came."

"Forever came"--the end of "Cats." The original production of "Cats" ran for 18 years, from 1982 to 2000. The musical had the motto, "Now and forever." At the loadout, some stagehand wag noted, "Forever came."

Term of the Night: between hangovers

between hangovers--sarcastic comment about a stagehand with a drinking problem. "He's a good head if you catch him between hangovers."

Randy Term of the Night: road dog

road dog--stagehand who sleeps around on the road.

Term of the Day: Broadway schadenfreude

Broadway schadenfreude--a secret or not-so-secret desire for a show to close. Schadenfreude is the German term that means "joy at other people's sorrow." Taking joy at a show closing.

Term of the Day: manna from the heavens

manna from the heavens--an unexpected job. From the Old Testament reference. "My show closed and I had no prospects. The sudden opening on the prop crew at the Wintergarden was like manna from the heavens."

Term of the Night: survival job

survival job--job that an actor has to pay the rent while auditioning for acting roles on Broadway and elsewhere. Survival jobs are often ones that have flexibility to allow an actor go to auditions and callbacks, like restaurant work, personal training and temping.

Term of the Day: Revenge is a dish best served cold

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"--old Sicilian saying.

Expression of the Day: fuck up, then suck up

fuck up, then suck up--when you miss a cue, are late to a call or cause some other disaster in the theater, you can suck up to your boss..."Hey, can I get you a cup of coffee?"

Term of the Night: post-Tony shakeout

post-Tony shakeout--when shows that do not win Tony Awards close soon after the Tonys broadcast. Fragile shows are often vulnerable if they don't win, so producers may pull the plug. Shows losing money are the first to close.

Term of the Day: mercury poisoning

 mercury poisoning--When a TV star very suddenly quit the revival of David Mamet's "Speed the Plow" a few years ago, his publicist said that he had "mercury poisoning" from eating too much sushi. Other sources say he had a problem with his nose.

Box Office Term of the Day: diggers

diggers--people who buy large blocks of tickets for ticket resellers when hot new shows start selling tickets. "The box office treasurer limited sales to 10 tickets a day per person, to try to thwart the diggers who buy large blocks of tickets for ticket resellers. "They buy weekend and holiday tickets," she said. "They are digging out the show."

Term of the Night: social finger

social finger--the middle finger. "Guiding a forklift into a truck, a stagehand got his social finger crushed and had to go to the hospital."

Term of the Day: a burkha

a burkha--Duvateen covering for a Genie Lift...the Genie is completely wrapped so it can be flown out above the stage and will not reflect light or be in view of the audience. "Put the burkha back on the Genie and fly it out."

Term of the Day: "I saw him going up to the grid with a wrench"

"I saw him going up to the grid with a wrench"--when an authority figure is looking for a particular stagehand, you can say this. Similar to, "I saw him going behind the set with a piece of wood."

Term of the Day: I pick stuff up, I put stuff down

I pick stuff up, I put stuff down-- the stagehand life of humping stuff.

Schadenfreude Term of the Day: karma is a bitch

karma is a bitch--when bad things happen to bad people. "I heard the guy who stole my iPod charger during the load in got hit by a bus in front of the Garden. Karma is a bitch."

Mongo Quote #2: "Mongo only pawn in game of life"

"Mongo only pawn in game of life"--these decisions are above my pay grade. When someone asks you about a production decision, you can respond, "I don't know. Mongo just a pawn in the game of life."

Movie Quote of the Day: Mongo strong, like bull

Mongo strong, like bull--I can handle hard work, no problem. If someone asks you if you can hump steel deck, you can respond, "Mongo strong, like bull." From the movie "Blazing Saddles."

Term of the Day: whitewashing

whitewashing--when a white actor plays an ethnic, black or Asian role on Broadway or in the movies. A major whitewashing controversy on Broadway included the casting of Jonathan Pryce as Vietnamese in "Miss Saigon." Gertrude Lawrence was the original Puerto Rican Maria in "West Side Story."

Term of the Day: "Don't screw the pooch," "You screwed the pooch."

"Don't screw the pooch," "You screwed the pooch"--a major fuck up. From the doomed astronaut Gus Grissom in the movie "The Right Stuff."

Term of the Night: to be elevated

to be elevated--when a Broadway head proves him/herself at a small house, they may be elevated to a more lucrative, larger theater.

Expression of the Day: "Hold clipboard, point light"

"Hold clipboard, point light"--when overeager stage managers start trying to do stagehand moves, like doing handoffs, moving props or paging tabs, they can be reminded gently or not, "Hold clipboard, point light," indicating what their responsibilities are, and that a conscientious stagehand will do his/her moves.

Term of the Day: Don't fight, girls. You're both pretty.

 Don't fight, girls. You're both pretty--When two stagehands or actors are fighting over something trivial, you can say this to them. Should be for both sexes.

Expression of the Night: "Don't pee on my back and tell me it's raining"

"Don't pee on my back and tell me it's raining"--great line for confronting a boss or another stagehand who is trying to force you into a bad situation by misrepresenting what will happen.

Term of the Night: blowing their wad

blowing their wad--to run out of money, when the producers run out of money. "The frantic workcalls during the production period were suddenly cancelled. We realized the producers had blown their wad." Of course, there is the dirty meaning as well.

Desperate Term of the Day: think happy thoughts

think happy thoughts--when you are desperately hoping that a repair will work or a damaged electrical unit will come back to life or a remote unit with a defective battery will charge, someone might say, "Think happy thoughts."

More Yiddish for the Stagehand: schmo

schmo--boring, stupid person. Originally from Yiddish, meaning moron or cuckold.

Term of the Day: short-timer

short-timer--stagehand who has gotten another job and has given notice. Or a stagehand who is vocal about his/her nearing retirement date. From the Vietnam-era Army rotations, where soldiers  knew the exact number of months that they were "in country." Towards the end of their tours, they were called short-timers.

Holding the Union Line: "We don't play that way in this house"

"We don't play that way in this house"--a famous Broadway head's response when asked to hire a stagehand without a card.

Mystical figures: my guru

my guru--the original stagehand who gets you real work in the local, who helps you get your card. "My guru turned me on to his friends who were heads because he knew I could rig in a hemp house." Guru is a South Asian Indian term for a spiritual leader or guide.

Term of the Night: my money

my money--Local #1 card time, or the Local # 1 pension credit if you already have your card, which is $37,500 per year. "My father was adamant that I make my money for three years in a row, so I would get my card quickly." "I bounced around around a lot while making my money for the card."

Term of the Day: blood curtain

blood curtain--clear, plastic curtain lowered in before the blood cannons go off in "American Psycho," to protect the audience from blood splatter from the copious amounts of blood used in the show. Allegedly, the blood splatter, without the curtain, can hit the first seven rows. After a recent performance, a patron was heard screaming, "Who's gonna clean the blood of my Louis Vuitton bag?" She's the perfect yuppie demographic.

Term of the Day: "Snatch the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper."

"Snatch the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper"--when the disciple can snatch the pebble from the master's hand, he is ready.  Can be used as a sarcastic reference while training a young stagehand. Old line in the1970's TV show "Kung Fu," where in politically incorrect fashion, David Carradine played a Chinese kung-fu master in exile in the Old West.

Term of the Night: great lady of the theater

great lady of the theater--usually affectionate term, applied to older character actresses who have been around for a while or older dressers or wardrobe supervisors. Can be sarcastic.

Overheard Stagehand Line #10: "I only work for assholes if there is costume money involved."

"I only work for assholes if there is costume money involved"--who wouldn't want to make $184 a week for changing your pants?

Defiant Term of the Night: fuck-you fund

fuck-you fund--money saved so you can quit a job and buy time to look for another job. Money so you can say "fuck you" to a bad boss and leave.

Term of the Day: you reap what you sow

you reap what you sow--when your decisions or actions have long term and usually bad results. "The young stagehand's fistfight with an assistant designer got him banned from most industrials. You reap what you sow."

Term of the Day: the Roundabout list

the Roundabout list--in the mid-1990s, the then-president of IATSE Tommy Short decided to force Local #1 to take in  new members, flexing his muscles. IATSE hired a former business agent from Local #1 to organize several small venues throughout the city that had little value to Local #1. This included the Roundabout, the non-profit theater company. At one point, about 50 people were on "the Roundabout list," to be forced on Local #1. At the end of the day, only about 30 people came in from the Roundabout.

Term of the Day: to get panned

to get panned--to get a bad review. ""In his typical self-indulgent reviewing style, Ben Brantley panned 'American Psycho' while still extolling the virtues of Ben Walker's hardbody."

New Contract Rules: "Advance contracts can point, but they can't touch!"

"Advance contracts can point, but they can't touch!"--new restrictions on what advance pinks can do in the theater. They can direct local stagehands, but can't do work themselves. "Under the League contract signed in 2015, advance pinks can point, but they can't touch."

Term of the Day: war stories

war stories--when an older stagehand tells stories of the old days, difficult load ins, abusive techs and drunk stars. The stories can be incredibly funny and can have a cautionary side. Or they can be self pitying or self aggrandizing. Often the teller is given the starring role as a hero or the victim to forces he or she can't control. "War stories in the mouth of a young stagehand just always seem boorish."

Term of the Day: collateral damage

collateral damage--unintended victims. "When the head was fired and replaced, his regular stagehands never worked in that theater again. They were collateral damage to regime change."

Term of the Day: on the boards, tread the boards

on the boards, tread the boards--to be working in the theater, to be on Broadway, to be an actor.

Unsentimental Stagehand Education #2: "You have to be close enough to kiss 'em before you can fuck 'em"

"You have to be close enough to kiss 'em before you can fuck 'em"-- A piece of advice on the turbulent nature of negotiations in the theater.

Unsentimental Stagehand Education #1: "You can learn a lot by being in the right room and keeping your mouth shut."

"You can learn a lot by being in the right room and keeping your mouth shut"--sometimes when you are present when the deals are being made, it is better to listen to the masters and to learn, not talk.

Term of the Night: "Time to make the donuts"

"Time to make the donuts"--start of the call, especially an early morning one. From the old Dunkin' Donuts commercial with the exhausted baker getting up for work.

Overheard Stagehand Line #8: "He hates his men almost as much as he hates himself"

"He hates his men almost as much as he hates himself"--said of a famously difficult head.

Punchline of the Day: And what, quit show business?

And what, quit show business?--the punchline to the old elephant joke. To be said when doing a really  disgusting task.
Here's the joke:
A man who spent 25 years scooping up the elephant poop at the circus was complaining about his disgusting job. "I hate my job, I can't take it anymore," he said vehemently.
"Why don't you find another job?" said the friend.
Shocked, the man responded, "And what, quit show business?"

Primate Term of the Day: Don't show your teeth until you have to

Don't show your teeth until you have to--controlling signs of aggression in a confrontation.

Term of the Day: bent out of shape

bent out of shape--to become angry, to blow up. "The head was bent out of shape when he found his guys took a 40-minute coffee break."

Term of the Day: kowtow

kowtow--to bow down, to show servile deference. From the Chinese.

Term of the Moment: happy as a pig in shit

happy as a pig in shit--when one is happy at work or delusionally happy.

Overheard Stagehand Line #7: "Why don't we get paid construction for building IKEA furniture?"

"Why don't we get paid construction for building IKEA furniture?"...overheard at a union meeting. The line speaks for itself.

Neutrality Term of the Night: "I'm not sticking my hand in that blender"

"I'm not sticking my hand in that blender"--when two stagehands are fighting over something trivial, it is better to declare neutrality.

Historical Term of the Moment: special won-ton soup to go

special won-ton soup to go--whiskey in a take-out soup container. China Peace was a Chinese restaurant that ran for decades in Hell's Kitchen. It was at three different locations over time. Legendary stagehands and legendary drinkers would go there on matinee days. The owner was agreeable to fixing special "to-go" cups for his regular customers.

Term without Mercy: vultures start circling

vultures start circling--when a stagehand or musician is on the cusp of being fired, people will start coming by, looking to take their jobs. "The vultures started circling when the word was on the street that the concertmaster at 'Lion King' was going to be fired." "The weak show wasn't even out of previews when the producers of a show looking for a theater started asking about the theater. The vultures  had started circling while the show was still alive."

Term of the Night: the usual suspects

the usual suspects--stagehands you'd expect to see at a load in, working for a particular head. "At the load in, who did you see working in Electrics? Oh, the usual suspects." Taken from the 1995 Kevin Spacey movie. "Who is running for office this time around?" "Oh, the usual suspects."

Self-preservation Term of the Night: "Be careful, my back is my moneymaker"

"Be careful, my back is my moneymaker"--you can say this when someone asks you to lift a rediculously heavy thing without enough help. A healthy, strong back is a stagehand's cash cow.

Term of the Night--liquid dinner

liquid dinner--when someone drinks their dinner as opposed to eating it.

Term of the Day: no good deed goes unpunished

no good deed goes unpunished--sometimes a generous action bites you on the ass. It is also the title of the best song in "Wicked." "I hired a man who needed a job and proceeded to stab me in the back. No good deed goes unpunished."

Term of the Day: the gift that keeps on giving

"the gift that keeps on giving"--when a defective system is installed during a load in, the mechanical errors, be they automation or lighting, are ongoing and constant, and thus a gift that keeps on giving. "The badly designed center stage elevator dry faulted again. It is the gift that keeps on giving." Or it can refer to a stagehand, who makes the same mistakes over and over. "Ted missed his Act I finale cue again. He's the gift that keeps on giving."

Term of the Day: 11 o'clock number

11 o'clock number--a brassy, solo number by the star of the show or a main character before the finale, often reiterating the themes of the show. Some examples are "Rose's Turn" from "Gypsy," sung by Mama Rose, or "Let Them Hear You," sung by the doomed Coalhouse Walker in"Ragtime." It is supposed to be a memorable song that audience members will remember as they walk out of the theater.

Term of the Day: the flow

the flow--interest on the advance sale of tickets. A producer term. In the case of a $12 million advance like Phantom had in 1989, the interest could be substantial. Sometimes it is split between the theater owners and the producers.

Jaundiced Term of the Night: "Might as well throw the money onstage and burn it."

"Might as well throw the money onstage and burn it"--During those insane moments during production, when the producers are desperate to save a show, new pieces of scenery will be built by the shop on double time, dance numbers will be deconstructed and redone and the lighting and automation will be adjusted, incurring much overtime in the theater. Sometimes these drastic changes don't amount to much, thus the line, "Might as well throw the money onstage and burn it."

Term of the Day: must be a tax shelter

"must be a tax shelter"--when a show comes into a theater in such bad shape, that survival is unlikely, a stagehand can mutter the cynical line, "Must be a tax shelter," meaning the producers know they have a dud on their hands and there is a tax benefit from failure. Also: "Must be a tax write off."

Terms of Trouble

Here are a few terms of trouble:

break your shovel--you're done here. "You have broken your shovel at this theater."
"Dead Man walking"--stagehand doing last night at a show, after he or she has been fired. (Taken from the old death-row cry when a condemned man walks to the execution cell.)
On a short leash--when a stagehand or a head has gotten in trouble before, management is keeping a close eye on him or her.
Slapped on the pee pee--when you get bitched out by the head or stage management for an error or breach of theater etiquette. "The men on the rail got slapped on the pee pee for repeatedly talking loud during a quiet scene, which jarred the star."
"Take a picture"--you'll never see this place again.
working my last good nerve--when you are annoying someone, particularly the head. (Term favored by the late Sal Sclafani, head prop man at the Hirschfeld.)

Scatological Term of the Moment: a shitstorm

a shitstorm--chaotic, unpleasant situation. Usually dangerous, unexpected trouble. "When the soundman turned off the com system and left after his last cue, it was a shitstorm for the last 20 minutes of the show, with no headset communication between the SMs and automation."

Term of the Day: bum steer

bum steer--false information, may be intentionally misleading. "The stagehand gave me a bum steer telling me the wrong dates for the load in, so I wouldn't shape on the first day."

Sarcastic Response of the Night: "I'm like a coiled spring"

"I'm like a coiled spring"--when the boss asks you if you ready to do something, "I'm like a coiled spring, ready to spring into action."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #5: "He's fucking nuts."

In the TV soap opera studios, there was a stagehand with long hair who would wear a hairnet during the changeovers.

STAGEHAND: "Why does John always wear a hairnet when we flip the sets?"
CREW CHIEF(a tough but kind old Westie, who puts a fake contemplative look on his face at the question): "That's a good question. It keeps his hair clean and keeps it out of his face. And he's fucking nuts."

Line of the Day: "Sometimes you choose your rabbi, sometimes your rabbi chooses you"

"Sometimes you choose your rabbi, sometimes your rabbi chooses you."-- the unpredictable nature of mentor relationships.

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #4: " I did my schooling at the Metropolitan Opera."

Stagehand #1: "Where did you go to college?"
Stagehand #2: "I did my schooling at the Metropolitan Opera."

Term of the Moment: an angel

an angel--a Broadway investor. Sometimes a shrewd investor, sometimes a sucker, depending on the show. Also a Broadway angel.

Term of the Night: flimflam

flimflam--scam, confidence game. "It makes my heart swell when I see the three-card monte players on the street again. It is a bit of the old Broadway flimflam coming back to life." "Fake tickets are rampant now and are the new Broadway flimflam."

Ghosts of Broadway Past: The Polish Tea Room

Polish Tea Room--The Cafe Edison, closed by the greedy landlords of the Edison Hotel at the end of 2014. Famous for its mixed clientele, including stagehands, producers and playwrights. Neil Simon used to eat there. Its matzoh ball soup was famous. The name is a satire of the high-end Russian Tea Room, where the Polish Tea Room was more low brow.  Neil Simon's 2001 play "45 Seconds from Broadway" was completely set at the Polish Tea Room.

Term of the Moment: good soldier

good soldier--follows orders, keeps mouth shut, does his/her work as fast as he/she can. "I want to recommend a guy to you...he's a good soldier."

Famous Stagehands I Have Known: Sybil

Sybil--house head known for her nastiness, her erratic dancing offstage and possible multiple personalities. Frank Langella got her fired more than a decade ago. Eight versions of that firing story exist.

Non-Yiddish Term of the Night: moxie

moxie--guts, pushiness, persistence in the face of rejection. "The young dancer had the moxie to come backstage and introduce herself to the choreographer during tech." Amazing etymology...I always thought it was a Yiddish word, but it was the name of a bitter soft-drink popular in the 1930s. The word itself is believed to come from a Native American tribe from Maine, whose meaning is "dark water."

Term of the Day: old rummy

old rummy--long-term, hard drinker, an alcoholic.

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #3: "Why are your your nail boxes pink?"

Young Stagehand to crusty, old Shop Mechanic at the now defunct Lincoln Scenic:  "Why are your nail boxes on top of your workbox pink?"
Crusty Old Mechanic: "They match my undies."

Stagehand v. Yuppie Woman

Stagehand v. Yuppie Woman--a carpenter friend of mine was rehashing a piece of scenery outside a Broadway theater one Saturday morning during a load in. An irate yuppie woman, a resident of one of those new condos or high-end rentals on 8th Avenue, came up. He turned off the Sawzall. She started yelling, "It's 9 a.m. Saturday morning. You can't be making this noise!" My friend said, "Lady, you moved into the Theater District," turned the Sawzall back on and went back to cutting.

Historical Quote of the Day: "The first time I hung out with my father, I was on his payroll."

"The first time I hung out with my father, I was on his payroll"--said by a second-generation stagehand of his old-school Broadway head father. The father is deceased now, the son is retired.

Term of the Moment: iPhone perv

iPhone perv--a middle-aged stage manager was fired for trying to record a quick change on his iPhone. The phone was found positioned in a QC booth with the camera on while an actress was changing. The same thing happened at "Memphis," where the creep was fired. The ease of modern technology lets the freaks be themselves.

Term of the Moment: legacy stagehand

legacy stagehand-- stagehand from a multigenerational stagehand family. Also: generational stagehand

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #2

Young stagehand: "When is a good time to open my mouth?"
Old stagehand: "Never."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #1

Young Stagehand at a Load In: "I can build, I can rig. Where do you want me?"
Carpenter: "That's great. Get on the back of the fucking truck."

Term of the Moment: Jesus wrench

Jesus wrench--cross-shaped wrench used by old timers to tighten down lighting units.

Term of Neutrality: no dog in that fight

no dog in that fight--when two stagehands are warring in a theater, it is often good to stay out of the battle, to not take sides. "Those guys may hate each other, but I don't have a dog in that fight."

Gang Term of the Moment: hatchet man

hatchet man--person responsible for firing. There is a great etymology on this one--In New York's Chinatown early in the 20th century, there were hired killers who would run around with hatchets. During big wars between the Tongs, or Chinese gangs, multiple bodies would be found hacked to death.

Self-Destructive Term of the Moment: Napalm

Napalm--nickname for stagehand known for burning all bridges.

Term of the Day: representing

representing--to show up, to represent your union shop. "I'll be at the Met picket. I'll be representing."

Term of the Day: BPs

BPs--box pushers, unskilled stagehands used in large arena calls.

Term of the Day: a deep bench

a deep bench--having a talented crew working for you, including great subs. "The carpenter always made sure to have a deep bench of talented stagehands working for him."

Term of the Day: "What a bad day to stop sniffing glue"

"What a bad day to stop sniffing glue"--when the shit hits the fan, this is a good line, when a person yearns for the bad habits that calmed them down. Or when you smell someone using epoxy in large quantities. Used by the comic actor Leslie Nielson in the movie "Airplane."

Term of the Night: to brown the boss

to brown the boss-- to kiss up to the boss

Term of the Day: stick a fork in it

stick a fork in it--you're done

Ghostly Threat of the Moment: "If you kill me, I'll haunt you forever"

"If you kill me, I'll haunt you forever"--said to the young stagehand controlling the chain motor that suspended the piano I was working under.

Gentle Term of the Night: Youngblood

Youngblood--nickname for a young stagehand, useful when correcting him or her. "Youngblood, the painted side goes downstage."

RIP, Bam Bam

Thomas Lowery, a Local #1 stagehand known to most as Bam Bam, died of a heart attack on Monday, February 22nd. Bam Bam was a colorful, larger-than-life figure, who worked at Madison Square Garden and the Lyric. He was on the acclaimed "Fiddler" revival at the Broadway when he died. I think Bam Bam was only 54.

Heartfelt condolences to Thomas Lowery's family and his coworkers. Rest in Peace, Bam Bam.

Term of the Moment: union thug

union thug--you might as well embrace the label that rabid right wingers like that sleazy Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker slaps onto good working men and women. A particularly tough Broadway head I know showed up to a  mammoth load in wearing a "union thug" t-shirt in light purple. A fierce woman head I know, who fought her way into a position of power over 30 years, prefers her own t-shirt adorned with flowers.  Also: strike-tested union thug. The etymology of thug is very interesting...it comes from robbers in India from the early 1800's who would strangle their victims.

Term of the Night: Who killed his puppy?

Who killed his puppy?--said of a carpenter who always has either a mopey or a pissed-off look on his face.

Cranky Old-Timer Expression of the Night: "There are Two Ways to Do This, My Way or My Way Mad"

"There are two ways to do this, my way or my way mad"--an old-timer response when a young stagehand suggests another option.

Term of the Night: hand-raising assholes

hand-raising assholes--some assholes are made, not born. Sometimes your rabbi may be a force for evil, and will instill the gratuitous, dickish qualities that can get you a reputation as an asshole. A takeoff on hand-raising chickens.

Term from a Broadway Icon: "I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"

"I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"--Jerry Lewis, when he was at "Damn Yankees" in 1995, told his dresser, "I'll turn you into a hood ornament" when he was dissatisfied with something, meaning that he'd run him down with a car. I think that must have come from Jerry's years in Las Vegas.

Term of the Day: See You Next Tuesday

See You Next Tuesday--spelling out a very bad word...an artful way to use it.

Term of the Day: young buck(s)

young buck(s)--young, muscular stagehand, good for lifting heavy things. Or the exact opposite. "Would you young bucks help me bring this roadbox down to the basement?"

Term of the Moment: cake gig

cake gig--an easy show to work, not many cues and little or no arduous work.

Term of the Night: too handy

too handy--when a dancer put his or her hands in an indelicate place on another dancer. "The female ensemble member remarked that one of the chorus boys was a bit too handy when they danced together."

Term of the Proper Moment: cut your language

cut your language--watch your language, no cursing, often because there are children backstage.

Term of the Day: Pull your punches

pull your punches--to not hit with full strength, to not criticize someone as fully as you can. From the stuntmen in the old Western movies, they were told during fight scenes to pull their punches. The opposite is I pull no punches, meaning I am going to tell you the truth, even if it hurts.

Term of the Day: laugh track

laugh track--crew member who always laughs at the head's jokes. Like the laugh track used on old TV shows. "Danny was the old carpenter's laugh track, whether the jokes were funny or not."

Term of the Day: Stockholm syndrome

Stockholm syndrome--where hostages begin to identify with their captors, when stagehands continue to work for the same difficult heads or techs. 'I did five shows with that tech, even though he treated me like dogmeat. It must be a case of Stockholm syndrome."

Term of the Pugilistic Moment: the gloves are off

(the) gloves are off--the real fighting is going to begin, things have escalated.

Term of the Moment: full freight

full freight--full price, full-price tickets. "House seats are great seats, but alas, you have to pay full freight."

Term of the Night: NBC--Nepotism Before Competence.

NBC--Nepotism Before Competence, or Nephews, Brothers and Cousins, or Nephews, Bartenders and Cousins. The initials of the TV network lays out common hiring practices. I must note that there are excellent heads at NBC who do fight the union fight everyday and who hire the best Local #1 stagehands they can find.

Archaic Term of the Day: fathers and sons local

fathers and son local--before the organizational list was put into effect and before women started fighting their way into Local #1, the local was known as a fathers and sons local, where each card member could nominate one person for membership, usually a son. If you had two sons, you would find a member with only daughters, and get him to nominate your second son.

The first woman was initiated into Local #1 in December 1977. I am trying to track down the name of this tough sister.

Term of the Snow Day: pure stagehandese

pure stagehandese--stagehand slang, a stagehand who is conversant in the slang used by Local #1 stagehands. Often generational stagehands, whose fathers or grandfathers were in Local #1. I find that many stagehands under 50 don't understand what a busted valise is. "One of the extra men in the carpentry department speaks the purest stagehandese I have ever heard."

Revenge Term of the Moment: "Smile when you stick the knife in"

"Smile when you stick the knife in"--sometimes getting revenge can be BOTH business and pleasure.

Terms of Faith: I changed congregations

I changed congregations--it is another way of saying "I have a new rabbi."

Get Out of Dodge Term: exit preset

exit preset--when you get your bag and coat ready so you can run out the door to make your bus or train.

Seen on a 1970's Local #1 T-Shirt: "Stagehands Do It On Cue"

"Stagehands Do It On Cue"--This was a t-shirt from the 1970's or the early eighties. To hammer out all nuance, there was a stage screw under the slogan.

Anti-authoritarian Term of the Night: "Say anything, tell them nothing"

"Say anything, tell them nothing"--old Irish saying, good for dealing with shit-stirrers and authority figures. Do not give any information that is useful. Give them blarney.

Retirement Term of the Week: sunsetting

sunsetting--gradually fading out, heading towards retirement. "The old stagehand started doing only four shows a week. He was sunsetting his stage career."

Yiddish Term of the Night: fatootsed

fatootsed--(Yiddish, or maybe fake Yiddish) to be distracted, to be frustrated. "I was all fatootsed learning the new prop track."

Expression of the Moment: "It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it."

"It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it"--A relative of mine got a plum job as a TV news studio head, which is a "light on, lights off" studio. Somebody said it was an old man's job. His response was, "It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it."

Term of the Moment: Grabbing the Brass Ring

grabbing the brass ring--getting a plum job or a head's job. On 19th century wooden carousels, there was a wooden sleeve full of wooden rings and one brass ring suspended over the riders. The riders would grab the rings on each pass, hoping to get the brass one.

Winter Term of the Moment: The Great White-Out Way

The Great White-Out Way--a pun on the old term from Broadway, the Great White Way, referring to the blizzard on Saturday, January 23, 2016 that shut down Broadway shows for the third time in recent memory. People who bought $1500 "Hamilton" tickets were bummed out because there was no rain-date show. All they got back was the face value of the tickets, which is around $177.

Term of the Moment: injured reserve list

injured reserve list--when half the stagehands in a department claim injuries (back, neck, wrist, etc.) that prevent them from unloading trucks during a load in. "Five of the guys in the department are on the injured reserve list, so that leaves three of us to unload the steel."

Term of the Day: old-man speed

old-man speed--slow down, you are working too fast. "Go to old-man speed with your mop. The carpenters aren't done with their strike."

Yiddish Term of the Moment: verklempt

verklempt--(Yiddish) to be overcome by emotion, to be on the cusp of tears. "The old stagehand became verklempt as he cleaned out his roadbox."

Term of the Night: crewed up

crewed up--the show has all the stagehands it needs. It is a nice way to turn away job seekers, saying they are SOL. "I'm sorry, the show is crewed up already."

Yiddish Term of the Day: to futz around

to futz around--to waste time. (From the Yiddish arumfatzen, to fart about.) "I was futzing around in the basement before my first cue."

Term of the moment: (a) Bartleby

(a) Bartleby--stagehand who refuses to work. From the Herman Melville short story.

Old Actor Term of the Moment: Netflix role

Netflix role--when an older character has a role where they appear onstage for two five-minute bits and the bows, that is a Netflix role, where they can watch Netflix movies in their dressing room for most of the show.

Term of the Moment: Have fun storming the castle!

 Have fun storming the castle!--sarcastic line when a group of stagehands are sent off on a mission. It's a line from the 1987 movie "The Princess Bride."

Term of the Day: stagehand Valhalla

Stagehand Valhalla--long-running show. Getting on a long-running show like "Phantom" or "Wicked" is stagehand heaven. From Norse mythology, Valhalla is "the hall of the fallen." Must be said with a Schwarzenegger accent.

Term of the Day: "Having the time of my life"

"Having the time of my life"--sarcastic response when asked how you are doing. see: "Living the dream."

Repressed Term of the Moment: nice-guy rage

nice-guy rage--when a self-proclaimed "nice guy" explodes, the results can be very nasty.

Comic Term of the Moment: "It's not my circus, it's not my monkeys."

"It's not my circus, it's not my monkeys." Whatever fuck up is happening right now is not my responsibility.

Term of Brute Force: roll and break

roll and break--when the deck is being trashed after a show has closed, the carpenters may flip over individual pieces of the deck with brute force, snapping the hardware and then carrying the freed sections out to the trash truck. "Let's roll and break the downstage section of the deck. It's faster than unscrewing it."

Term of the Moment: junior shit-stirrer

junior shit-stirrer-young stagehand who tries to stir up controversy without guile or skill. Often not aware of the alliances that he or she is stepping on.

Term of the Day--buried alive

buried alive--when you work at the long-running show like "Phantom" or "Wicked," people think you have retired.

Term of the Day: running in with my hair on fire

running in with my hair on fire--last-minute shopping experiences for daily TV shows. "I ran into Macy's with my hair on fire, desperate to buy 10 silver casseroles for 'The Tonight Show.'"

Term of the Day: monkeys trying to fuck a football

monkeys trying to fuck a football--major screw up involving multiple players. Fun to watch. "Watching the new carpenter and his inexperienced assistant fit the oversized rolling unit through the tiny stage door was like watching monkeys trying to fuck a football."