Overheard Stagehand Line #61: There are easy lessons and hard lessons...

There are easy lessons and hard lessons in the stage business...the young contract stagehand kept poking the house electrician in the eye, so he seemed to prefer the hard lessons.

Term of the Day: rank smell of self pity

rank smell of self pity-- when self pity lurks beneath the rage and violence. "During one of old carpenter's screaming tantrums on deck, I caught a whiff of the rank smell of self pity under the cursing and violence."

Term of the Day: talking out of his ass

 talking out of his ass-- when someone speaks with authority about something they know nothing about. "The stagehand was telling people that 'Mockingbird' was going to be moved. He was talking out of his ass."

Term of the Day: cold dead hands

cold dead hands--to take something away from me, I'd have to be dead. "If you want this job from me, you'll have to pry it out of my cold dead hands."

Term of the Day: bare-knuckle Broadway

bare-knuckle Broadway -- when all pretentions of art drop to the wayside and money is king. "The theater owners forced a show to close, hoping to make more money on the next show. That was an example of bare-knuckle Broadway."

Expression of the Day: balls in a jar

balls in a jar-- castration reference, possibly as a response to violent behavior or other serious trouble. "When the theater owners finally put his balls in a jar, the violent old carpenter stopped attacking his co-workers. He retreated to his office and stayed there, watching gun shows and screaming at the TV."

Term of the Day: the Big Three, the non-Big Three

the Big Three, the non-Big Three--the big Broadway theater owners, which are the Shuberts, the Nederlanders and Jujamcyn, are the Big Three. The Shuberts own 17 theaters, the Nederlanders own nine and Jujamcyn owns five. The non-Big Three include the Circle in the Square, the Manhattan Theatre Club and the Roundabout (which owns the Sondheim, the American Airlines and Studio 54).

Expression of the day: whiff of an attitude problem

whiff of an attitude problem-- a warning sign of the future problems of a bad attitude. "The young stagehand kept asking me for work, but I got a whiff of an attitude problem, so I never hired her."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #44: "I don't hit emotional cripples."

Stagehand #1:"I hear the old carpenter wants to take you out in the alley for a fight."
Stagehand #2: "He's out of luck. I don't hit emotional cripples."

Overheard Stagehand Line #48: "She'll put you in three bags"

 "My stagehand friend is very generous, but don't cross her...she'll put you in three bags and they'll find you in two different boroughs."

Overheard Stagehand Line #54: "When he tantrums at work..."

"When he tantrums at work, he's not defending the union or even the jurisdiction....he's defending his damaged inner child."

Overheard Stagehand Line #30: "She only speaks jerk."

Extra Man Referring to a Condescending Stage Manager:  "She only speaks jerk." (A much harsher word was used in the original.)

Term of the Day: tantrum du jour

tantrum du jour--for that irritable co-worker who always has a reason to explode about something.

Historical Analysis of the Day: "I am sure props invented the wheel..."

 "I am sure props invented the wheel...I guarantee it!" Theatrical Teamster at a recent loadout making fun of the prop reliance on dollies when loading trucks.

Overheard Stagehand Line #59: "It's important to have an assistant who's as paranoid as you are"

"It's important to have an assistant who's as paranoid as you are"--it's important to have an assistant who will alert you to dirty dealings by the tech, SMs or the contract stagehand. They are your eyes and ears. These people will often try to screw you and try to break down the conditions.

Overheard Stagehand Line #52: "...it's like he works at Baskin Robbins, but only knows how to scoop vanilla."

I was trying to explain the new PSM to my wife. I said, "He's limited...it's like he works at Baskin Robbins, but only knows how to scoop vanilla. And only one scoop in a cup."

Overheard Stagehand Line #40: "He's a talented stagehand..."

 "He's a very talented stagehand, he's just not a talented human being."

Overheard House Manager Line #1: "After the second fuck you..."

 "After the second fuck you, I throw them out of the theater"--a Broadway house manager, referring to recent uptick in uncivil behavior by patrons, most often from the New York area theatergoers. He prefers tourists for civility.

Term of the Day: conniption fit

conniption fit--hissy fit, freakout, often after a perceived act of stupidity by another person. This outburst is usually accompanied by physical gestures, hand waving or throwing things.

Term of the Day: to cut them off at the knees

to cut them off at the knees-- to thoroughly and publicly humiliate someone.  "When the assistant porter challenged the house propwoman on deck during the load in, the propwoman cut the porter off at the knees, making quick work of her in front of a dozen stagehands."

Term of the Day: half an asshole

half an asshole--stagehand who is unpredictable...not always nasty, but not very nice.

Term of the Day: an elaborate song and dance routine

an elaborate song and dance routine-- when someone gives you an elaborate story or uses an outright lie to cover up a fuck up or a personal error.

Term of the Day: deaf and dumb (D & D)

deaf and dumb (D & D)-- an old longshoreman's term. "He's deaf and dumb, he didn't hear anything and can't say anything about it."

Term of the Day: the calvary ain't coming

 the calvary ain't coming-- we are not going to be saved, the show is closing. "Despite the actor rumors that the producers are going to recast the show or the original Tony-winning star is coming back, the calvary ain't coming. The loadout is going on as scheduled."

Term of the Day: dry waterboarding

dry waterboarding--an incredibly boring job, where there is not enough work to keep busy. Several years ago, we were standing around at the 67th Street Armory, trying to look busy. In the prop department, we would run out of work often, for we had to wait for the props to arrive from England for the big Shakespeare festival. As we kept sweeping and re-sweeping the already clean parade floor, an old timer said, "This is like dry waterboarding."  

Line of the Day: "I'll tip big when you're back at Starbucks."

 "I'll tip big when you're back at Starbucks"-- a head friend of mine on a musical had to deal with a snotty of NYU grad performers doing their first Broadway show. Broadway, she knew, can be a mercurial, cruel mistress. Her line about them was, "I'll tip big when you're back at Starbucks."

Quote of the Day: I still have sores over this"

I still have sores over this-- I am still angry over this, I am still sore.

Term of the Day: a three-year review

three-year review-- when the review is so good, the show is going to run for a while. "I thought that 'School of Rock' got a three-year review in the Times. It wound up running 37 months." "A recent Times review of 'Tina: The Tina Turner Musical' praised the cast but damned the book. I think that is a 12-month review."

Term of the Day: review proof

review proof-- even after bad reviews, a show may survive with aggressive advertising and great word of mouth. "'Wicked' got a mediocre review from the New York Times, but it turned out to be review proof and it still running 16 years later."

Term of the Day: carney

carney--circus worker, roustabout. Modern definition is a disreputable person, possibly with a comic underlay. "I was short for labor during production, so I hired two carneys from the hall, who proceeded to disappear after lunch."

Term of the Day--pinchy

pinchy-- (adj.) cheap. to be pinchy. Short for penny pincher. "That company manager is really pinchy."

Term of the Day: Godzilla v. Mothra

Godzilla v. Mothra-- when two powerful stagehands are at war with each other. Screaming in the theater may result, and everything is laid to waste.

Term of the Day: wrong side of God

wrong side of God-- you are definitely in the wrong.  "The musician who pissed off the easygoing SM was on the wrong side of God that day."

Term of the Day: sticking my head in the lion's mouth

sticking my head in the lion's mouth--voluntarily doing an unpleasant or dangerous thing. "I'm going to talk to the difficult soundman...I guess I am sticking my head in the lion's mouth."

Stagehand Line of the Day #58: "He's that odd combination of being a sociopath and..."

 "He's that odd combination of being both a sociopath and an ass-kisser. He works all the time."

Term of the Day: smash-and-grab theater

smash-and-grab theater-- a short-term, quick theater event, with people coming in mostly for the money. A reference to the brutal robbery technique of smashing the display window of a store and grabbing the valuables.

Term of the Day: stagehand karma

stagehand karma-- karma in a theater environment. The layperson's definition of karma is that a person's actions, good or bad, will have appropriate consequences, good or bad. Like the stagehand who stole my iPhone charger during a Broadway load-in, who got hit by a bus a week later outside MSG while talking on his phone off the curb.

Term of the Day: top dog

top dog-- dominant person in a group, may keep control through charisma or aggressive behavior. Can be used as a verb, to top dog someone, asserting a canine-type dominance of other people at work.

Term of the Day: money hose

money hose--when a call or a particular day becomes a cash bonanza, and it feels like money is being sprayed on the stagehands. "The memorial service was held on a national holiday and every stagehand got a buyout for a taping of a documentary. The day became a money hose."

Term of the Day: to kneecap someone

to kneecap someone--to intentionally cripple someone by breaking their knees, to interfere with someone's job so they can't do it. "By taking up large parts of the deck with his motor boxes, the house carpenter kneecapped me, so I couldn't do my own work."

Expression of the Day: there are lots of ears

there are lots of ears--the walls have ears...Be careful what you say in the theater, people are listening.

Expression of the Day: "Hmm, that is a bad tactical decision"

"Hmm, that is a bad tactical decision"-- a nice way of saying that is a fucked up way of fixing something, or that is a screwed-up choice.

Term of the Day: "I don't give fuck all"

"I don't give fuck all"--stock line by bitter, angry carpenter. Must be said with caustic rage at inappropriate times, barely covering his desperate fear of retirement.

Term of the Day: "Let me think about this for a few minutes"

"Let me think about this for a few minutes" -- code for "I'm going to the alley to call the business agent." When presented with an unsavory ask by the tech, say this to buy the time to go out to the alley to call the business agent.

Term of the Day: starting the day at 11

starting the day at 11--11 is the "Spinal Tap" reference to the loudest possible amp. ("This amp goes to 11."). It has been taken to mean operating at a high level of chaos or constant over-the-top behavior.

Term of the Day: janky

 janky--extremely poor quality. "The props from the regional theater rental show were quite janky."

Term of the Day: poking the bear

 poking the bear--to provoke a stagehand known for explosive responses or tantrums. "I wouldn't wake that old timer up. It is better to avoid poking the bear."

Term of the Day: canary in a coal mine

canary in a coal mine--when someone or something indicates that there is a change of mood in the theater.  "When the young ASM is uptight, that is a good sign that the PSM is on the warpath. She's like a canary in the coal mine."

Term of the Day: big muckity-mucks

big muckity-mucks--important people, VIPs. Can be sarcastic.

Term of the Day: too many brains on stage

too many brains on stage-- when there is a crisis during production or during the load-in, and several self-proclaimed geniuses are clustered around to problem solve, it may be better to stand back. "There are too many brains onstage," said the modest stagehand. "I'm going to wait right here 'til they are done."

Term of the Day: grabby

grabby--adjective describing a head who claims jurisdiction on things outside his/her department.

Term of the Day: a white whale

 a white whale--an obsession that may end up destroying you. "I hate that guy...I have been trying to make sure he doesn't get his card time. It's become my white whale." This is a reference to "Moby Dick."

Term of the Day: make a hole

make a hole-- move out of my way. When moving through a group of stagehands, you say this to get them to move.

Overheard Stagehand Line: "God left Broadway years ago."

Stagehand #1: "The shop fucked up again. They forgot to send controller cables. God willing, they will come on the next truck."

Stagehand #2: "There is no God on Broadway. God left Broadway years ago."

Term of the Day: death of a thousand cuts

death of a thousand cuts--when the person calling the shots, maybe a head or a PSM, keeps changing their mind, harping on small details or adding new tiny responsibilities on a long-running show. The "death of a thousand cuts" was a 10th century Chinese execution method where a prisoner was dismembered while still alive over the course of hours or even days.

Term of the Day: prop and dump

prop and dump-- when an advance prop person props a show, sets it up during production and hands it off to the house prop person.

Term of the Day--Times Square Panic

Times Square Panic--On August 6, 2019, after a series of mass shootings around the country, a backfire from a motorcycle in Times Square caused thousands of tourists to run through the area, trying to escape nonexistent gunfire. Some sought safety in Broadway theaters where shows had just finished up or were still playing. Several people were injured in the stampede. Also known as the Times Square Stampede.

Term of the Day--a two-hander

a two-hander--a two-person play

Term of the Day: a Pollyanna

a Pollyanna--in the face of abusive co-workers or heads, there is always someone on the crew, who is the face of personal atrocities, bleats "I like everybody...he makes me laugh." That is an ass-kissing Pollyanna view of the world.

Term of the Day: give fucks

to give fucks-- to not care, to be over caring. "I don't give fucks anymore about that nasty old carpenter, who is terrified of retirement."

Term of the Day: "He's a minimalist."

"He's a minimalist"--said of a Broadway theater executive who always strives for least amount of labor possible to do the job.

Term of the Day: "'Let's 'Wait and See' this one

"'Let's 'Wait and See' this one"--declining to make a commitment. "I don't know how much labor we need next week...'Let's Wait and See' this one."

Term of the Night: sides

sides--parts of the script given to actors to be used during an audition. May be given in advance.

Term of the Day: a bogie

a bogie--a civilian who walks into a TV filming, interrupting the shoot.

Term of the Day: a Charlie deck

a Charlie deck--a house deck built by Charlie Rasmussen, the late famous Shubert deck man, who leveled his precise house decks with little stacks of playing cards.

Overheard Stagehand Expression #56: "I only worked there twice..."

 "I only worked there twice...the first time and the last time."

Term of the Day: cheese water

cheese water--the gross water at the bottom of a badly maintained Dumpster, a mixture of water and rotten food.

Term of the Day: drank the Kool Aid

drank the Kool Aid--to become a True Believer, to work for a difficult outfit and to suspend rational views to follow the company line. "He got a job at Disney, so he wound up drinking the Kool Aid. Everything is hunky-dory on Team Mouse."

Term of the Day: the choice cuts

 the choice cuts--the best work, like holidays or large blocks of work. "The head gave me a day or two, but the choice cuts, the Christmas holidays, went to his non-card nephew."

Term of the Night: to get the skinny

to get the skinny--inside information, the naked truth. "I'll give you the skinny on why the lead was fired."

Expression of the Night: "It's better to be seen than viewed"

Stagehand:  "It is good seeing you after all these years."
Old Stage Manager: "It's better to be seen than viewed"
(to be viewed is a reference to a viewing at a wake)

Term of the Day: die on this hill

die on this hill--to take a stand. Usually used in the negative..."I am not going to die on this hill," meaning a beef or fight is not worth the political capital. "The carpenter is fighting me over who services the scenics during a paintcall...he is in the wrong, but I am not going to die on that hill." Obvious military reference.

Term of the Day: message to the streets

message to the streets-- sometimes a message is given out with the purpose of it being spread through the theaters, sometimes coming from theater management, sometimes from an individual stagehand. "The old head made it clear he would punch out a younger stagehand who he thought had crossed him. He had his friends spread the message to the streets."

Term of the Night: to be pole-axed

to be pole-axed--to be stunned, to be hit right between the eyes with something heavy. "When they called the company meeting, I thought the producers were going to announce some recasting. When they announced we were closing, I was pole-axed."

Important Ethnic Terms

Stagehand slang comes from everywhere, including Yiddish, Gaelic, Italian and Spanish. Here are some to start:

amadan--(Irish) idiot
brouhaha--(thought to be Irish, but really French) big fight, controversy.
colleen--(Irish) pretty girl
ongatz, ugatz--(Italian) one ball, nothing.
pendejo--(Mexican slang) pubic hair. Idiot. "Move out of my way, you pendejo."
pug mahone--(Irish) Kiss my ass.
shillelagh--(Irish) oak stick, cudgel.

Term of the Night: doesn't draw fire

doesn't draw fire--doesn't get in trouble, doesn't get noticed. Good qualities in an extra stagehand.

Term of the Day: "Stagehand Survivor"

"Stagehand Survivor"--survival skills for old stagehands. "The crafty old head would win 'Stagehand Survivor' anytime."

Overheard Stagehand Line #55: "When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation....

"When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation, it was brutal for the old creep, but I had to teach him that it wasn't Las Vegas in 1982 anymore. No one else was going to do it."

Term of the Day: Genie footer

Genie footer--unskilled stagehand, only good for footing a Genie. "Give me the labor numbers early," said the electrician, "or I'll only be able to get Genie footers from the hall."

Term of the Day: Broadway famous

 Broadway famous-- when an actor or actress may be a marquee name on Broadway, but is virtually unknown in Hollywood. "Judy Kaye is Broadway famous, being one the best stage actresses in America, but is unknown in Hollywood."

Term of the Day: stopped giving fucks

stopped giving fucks--when you just don't care about a job or a person anymore. "I stopped giving fucks about his over-the-top tantrums a long time ago."

Term of the Day: "It's go time"

"It's go time"--start of an intense work moment, a confrontation or a fist fight.

Expression of the Day: my adults have run away

my adults have run away-- when there is no supervision at a critical moment. During a load-in or loadout, when a crucial decision has to be made and the tech or production carpenter, or the designer, is nowhere to be found. "I am not sure where are placing the automation console...my adults have run away."

Term of the Day: keeps his cards close to the vest

keeps his cards close to the vest-- to not reveal much about your plans, to hide opinions or personal decisions. Old poker Term.

Term of the Day: bad juju

bad juju-- bad karma, bad aura. Originally juju is a reference to spells and potions. Juju is believed to be a Hausa word, from Nigeria.

Term of the Day: dinosaur balls

dinosaur balls--testicles of an old stagehand, referencing control of these balls. May be used with old female stagehands, if you want. "After the old head kept having confrontations with the house manager, the theater owners came down on him. The house manager has his dinosaur balls in a vise."

Term of the Day: stagehand appropriate

 stagehand appropriate--something offbeat you'd imagine a stagehand doing. "I meet my accountant at the Rum House to get my taxes done. I guess you could say that is stagehand appropriate."

Term of the Day: "I speak fluent Irish American"

"I speak fluent Irish American"--since Local #1 still has a large number of Irish American members, it is useful to understand the Irish American psychology. There are specific subsets, like the Westies of Hell’s Kitchen, Rockland County Irish, Queens Irish and Long Island Irish.

Historical Term: "Irish affirmative action is Italians"

 "Irish affirmative action is Italians": Local #1 was a traditionally Irish union until about 30 years ago.  In my unscientific survey, the next largest group is Italians. In our multi-culti tumultuous New York City, Irish and Italian neighborhoods often abutted each other and the two ethnic groups would intermarry.

Archaic Term of the Day: Donkey/Narrowback

Donkey/Narrowback: In Irish slang, a donkey is a new immigrant, who does hard  labor. A narrowback is a pejorative term for an Irish-American, whose back muscles are not that well formed becasue they are not accustomed to hard labor.  I like to say that "I was born a narrowback, but have become a donkey."

St. Patrick's Day terminology: Irish exit

Irish exit--to leave without saying goodbye.

Term of the Day: took his winnings off the table

took his winnings off the table--to shut down a profitable show. "The new producer took his winnings off the table, shutting down his profitable musical and refusing to gamble through the bleak winter months."

Term of the Day: Irish twins

Irish twins--children born less than a year apart, often just ten months in between.

Term of the Day: dinosaurs don't kill dinosaurs

dinosaurs don't kill dinosaurs-- on the reluctance of the often older theater owners to push out older heads.

Term of the Day: whiff of a sociopath

whiff of a sociopath--when you realize the person you are working with is quite off and possibly dangerous, someone with sociopathic tendencies. "I only met two guys like him in the last 20 years, but when I worked with the ex-bank teller all day, he talked nonstop about creepy things. I came away with the whiff of a sociopath off of him."

Overheard Stagehand Line #53: "He's stuck in the tar pits..."

 "He's stuck in the tar pits...he just doesn't know it yet."

Term of the Day: don't poke the bear

don't poke the bear--don't provoke an angry old stagehand.

Term of the Day: "He must be teething"

"He must be teething"--when a stagehand acts out in public, others might mock him, comparing his outburst to that of an infant.

Term of the Night: to dog walk someone

to dog walk someone--to publicly humiliate someone, to figuratively walk someone on a leash in front of others. Compliments of the rapper Cardi B.

Overheard Stagehand Line #50: "It's like taking candy from a producer"

 "It's like taking candy from a producer"--when the call is really easy and the pay is very good.

Term of the Day: jack shit

jack shit--anything at all. "You don't know jack shit."

Term of the Day: hell's propman

hell's propman--infamous Broadway propman, well known for his unpredictable explosions. Hates his men almost as much as he hates himself.

Term of the Day: shenanigans

shenanigans--mischief, dishonest behavior.

Overheard Stagehand Line #49: "I haven't been this hated..."

"I haven't been this hated since third grade"--marveling at the rage and hatred of some older stagehands.

Term of the Day: rage-aholic

rage-aholic--person who gets off on having explosive rages. From the Stuart Smalley skit on "Saturday Night Live," by the now-disgraced senator/comedian Al Franken.

Overheard Stagehand Line #48: "...the screwing was so inevitable..."

"The screwing was so inevitable, you could almost put it on your calendar." "He was charming during the load in, but was such a petty man, with a black soul, his screwing of the contract man was so inevitable, you could almost put it on your calendar."

Term of the Day: splitting the baby in half

splitting the baby in half--a compromise that satisfies neither side. From the King Solomon story in the Old Testament.

Overheard Stagehand Line #47: "You can wear anything you want to work..."

"You can wear anything you want to work...as long as it's black."

Term of the Day: colostomy bag

colostomy bag-- derogatory term for fanny packs worn by stage managers and stagehands who have given up.

Term of the Day: pissy mf

pissy mf--pissy motherfucker, constant complainer or whiner.