Overheard Stagehand Line #46: "...on the asshole spectrum."

"He's not autistic, but he's definitely on the asshole spectrum." --referring to an unfriendly TV actor famous for playing an autistic character.

Overheard Stagehand Line #45: "House of Mild Dislike"

"With three news heads and the pushing out of some crusty old haters, I hear that the House of Hate has become the House of Mild Dislike." A reference to the positive changes at a Broadway house, formally known as the House of Hate.

Term of the Day: the cursed prop

the cursed prop--the prop that always breaks and requires daily or weekly repairs, a prop that antagonizes a difficult actor and possibly makes the SM report. There is always one cursed prop.

Term of the Day: "conversations with myself"

"conversations with myself"--when someone is caught having a loud conversation with no one else present. "I found the older actor upstage, having a profanity-laced dialogue by himself... Oh, I guess it is a case of 'conversations with myself.'"

Term of the Day: collateral damage

collateral damage--unintended victims. "When the head was fired and replaced, his regular stagehands never worked in that theater again. They were collateral damage to regime change."

Term of the Day: coiled and ready to strike

coiled and ready to strike--a particular kind of eternally grouchy stagehand, ready to insert self into a conversation and attack participants or individuals. Motivations may be the third divorce, the morning hangover or a general hatred of humanity.

Term of the Day: typical sleazy non-profit behavior

typical sleazy non-profit behavior--when non-profit theater companies try to rip off their employees. "When the production manager tried to deprive the grossly underpaid apprentices of any overtime, the head shook his head and said 'typical sleazy non-profit behavior.'"

Term of the Day: donnybrook

donnybrook--a heated argument, a disorderly event. A reference to the famously disorderly Donnybrook Fair from 13th century Ireland.

Term of the Day: "Is it jake? It's all jake?"

 "Is it jake? It's all jake?"--Is it okay? It's all okay

Term of the Day: 30-year downward spiral

30-year downward spiral-- a slow agonizing downward spiral, a very wide spiral downward. "The drinking on the job, the two divorces and the fistfight in the alley were all part of his 30-year downward spiral."

Term of the Day: the whole shebang

the whole shebang--the whole operation, everything is included.

Term of the Day: Roundabout Pee Man

Roundabout Pee Man--famously abusive Roundabout extra carpenter, whose signature move is to leave a cup of his own urine out for his target to find. (Other people say the urine was deer urine from upstate New York.)

Term of the Day: "Don't shit where you eat"

"Don't shit where you eat"--don't date at work. Also: "Don't get your meat where you get your bread."

Term of the Day: "What fresh hell is this?"

"What fresh hell is this?"--what new difficult situation are you putting me into? What new problem has developed? From a signature line used by the literary figure Dorothy Parker.

Term of the Day: let him dangle

let him dangle--to let someone hang, to not save someone who is in trouble. "When the deranged contractman threatened his second Broadway head, he got in trouble with his tech and the theater owners. The head he threatened saved his job. Me? I would have let him dangle."

Term of the Day: keep your back against the wall

keep your back against the wall--when you are around people with a tendency to backstab, it is good to protect your back. "When that rat-faced, Tony-winning designer is in the theater, I always make sure to keep my back against the wall, so she can't stab me, or at least I can see it coming."

Overheard Stagehand Line #43: "When the time came, I locked eyes with him"

"When the time came, I locked eyes with him, grabbed him by the shirt and threw him under the bus."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #42: "I'm an idea man"

Stagehand #1: "I'm an idea man."
Stagehand #2:  "Yeah, but you are a BAD idea man."

Term of the Day: wrap gift

wrap gift--a gift for the cast and crew at the wrap, the end, of production on a TV show or movie. Usually provided by the producer or the star.

Term of the Night: to poo poo

to poo poo-- to dismiss, to mock an idea. "The head carpenter poo poo-ed my fix for the rolling kitchen unit."

Term of the Day: two-card family

two-card family-- when your spouse or partner get his or her card in the same local.

Term of the Night: his chair, my chair

his chair/her chair--referring the seat at the automation console. By tradition, the stagehand who is the automation carpenter who set up a show can reclaim his or her seat when the new show they are on closes. "It's his chair at this show, so when he comes back, I'll have to find another job."

Term of the night: W.O.S.

W.O.S.--walk of shame, when someone shows up to work wearing yesterday's clothes, indicating a night of sexual congress with someone. I have heard that when a Rockette at the Radio City Christmas Show gets lucky, she has to buy doughnuts for the rest of the Rockettes the next morning.

Expression of the Day: "I'm dancing as fast as I can"

"I'm dancing as fast as I can"--something you can say during those load-in moments where a stagehand or head is pulled by the demands. real and imagined, by different departments and the tech. Reference to Barbara Gordon's memoir of her valium addiction.

Term of the Day: Teamster doughnut

 Teamster doughnut--a jelly doughnut

Term of the Day: mad skills

mad skills--having great technical knowledge or a specific ability, like carpentry or rigging. "The stagehand had mad skills as a carpenter, but he just choose not to use them."

Term of the Day: Trumpcake

Trumpcake--crazy supporter of Donald Trump. You find them in the theaters, despite the Trump Administration's systematic efforts to attack labor unions.

Overheard Stagehand Line #44: "You're never gonna work in this theater again...'

"You're never gonna work in this theater again... until I need you." This is a line that refers to the ambivalent relationship between some heads and the stagehands who work for them.

Overheard Stagehand Line #43: "Some of those stories are actually true."

Stagehand #1: "That old head has a lot of stories."
Stagehand #2: "Some of those stories are actually true."

Term of the Night: chucklehead

chucklehead--a stupid person prone to making bad decisions

Term of the Day: transfer legs

transfer legs--when a show is destined to transfer from a regional theater or off-Broadway to Broadway. "They say 'The Girl from North Country,' the Bob Dylan musical, has transfer legs to go to Broadway."

Term of the Day: a clock

a clock-- a 24-hour shift, working around the clock, a clocker. "'Do you want to do a clock?' asked the head."

Gross Term of the Day: snot rocket

snot rocket--one actor's gross habit of holding one nostril and blowing out boogers onstage or in the wings.

Term of the Day: stumble-through

stumble-through--parody of a run-through, when you are doing a rehearsal with new subs or swings. "The rehearsal wasn't a run-through...it was more like a stumble-through."

Term of the Day: dilly dally

dilly dally--moving slow, dragging your feet. "Don't dilly dally," "Stop dilly dallying...repair the unit now."

Term of the Day: Don't show your teeth until you have to

Don't show your teeth until you have to--controlling signs of aggression in a confrontation.

Term of the Day: pie in the sky

pie in the sky--an unreasonable dream, it isn't going to happen, that's a fantasy. Lyrics from the extended version of Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land." We are so far behind at this load in, it is pie in the sky to believe that we are not going to have a work call tomorrow morning."

Term of the Night: short shrift

short shrift--a quick, often rude dismissal of an idea or a person. "The head gave short shrift  to my idea of painting the deck on Sunday night." Fascinating etymology...shrift is a 12th century word for the penance given to a condemned man. "Short shrift"  was the inadequate time for such penance to be given.

Term of the Night: watch your 6

watch your 6--watch your back. It is a military term, using the clock face, where 12 is in front of you and 6 is behind you. "That's a brutal theater to work in...watch your 6."

Term of the Day: peanut hours

peanut hours--no extras, just the show call, no work calls, no rehearsals. "I got the job running a front light on a long-running show, but it is peanut hours, no extras. I am happy to have the job, however."

Overheard Line #28: "You can't hit a moving target."

"You can't hit a moving target"--If you are working around the theater or constantly moving, management has a hard time nailing you, and stage managers can't find you. If you are in your office, with your feet on the desk, you become an easy target.

Overheard Stagehand Line #42: "Why retire and be miserable at home..."

"I think the angry old stagehand's attitude was 'Why retire and be miserable at home alone when you can come to work and make other people miserable?'"

Term of the Day: slow-walking

slow-walking--intentionally doing a job slowly to aggravate a boss or management. "The two mechanics slow-walked building the new platform to piss off the young tech."

Term of the Day: "What's the T?"

"What's the T?"--what's the gossip? "What's the T? What show is coming in after this one?"

Term of the Day: "You don't need four years at MIT to know that"

"You don't need four years at MIT to know that"--it's obvious. "Despite good reviews, 'Groundhog Day' ticket sales went through the basement. You don't need four years at MIT to know that's why it closed."

Term of the Day: on the fritz

on the fritz--when a mechanism is not working properly. Referring to a machine or electrical item, possibly a special effect. "The downstage blood cannon was on the fritz and was not working during the matinee."

Term of the Night: to work someone over with a ball-peen hammer

to work someone over with a ball-peen hammer--to take someone apart. "When the contract man gave the house head lip, her tirade was like working him over with a ball-peen hammer.

Term of the Day: ungatz

to have ungatz--to have nothing, to have one ball (testicle). Italian slang. Angry disappointment. "Everyone else got on the workcall, and I got nothing. I got ungatz."

Term of the Day: tap dancing it back

tap dancing it back--when someone makes an inappropriate comment or reveals a secret piece of information, they then stumble all over themselves to try to lessen the impact. "When the PSM accidentally revealed that the star was leaving, he tried to tap dance it back, implying it was just a vacation."

Overheard Stagehand Line #51: "He's checked out...

"He's checked out...the only tool he uses nowadays is the TV remote."

Term of the Day: drilling holes in his own boat

drilling holes in his own boat--self sabotage, especially by someone who has a good position in the stage business. "By fighting with the other stagehands in the theater, the old stagehand was drilling holes in his own boat."

Term of the Day: "He hates his men almost as much as he hates himself"

"He hates his men almost as much as he hates himself"--said of a famously difficult, abusive head.

Term of the Day: failed bully

 failed bully--when one stagehand bullies another, but backs off when faced with an unexpected resistance or defense. "It's hard to come back after you become a failed bully. People begin to view a failed bully as a buffoon."

Term of the Day: to go Ghandi on someone

to go Ghandi on someone-- to refuse to do something, to use passive resistance, or maybe passive aggressiveness, to force a change.  "When the contract propman stopped providing the props for the lift rehearsals at half hour, the house head told the extra stagehands to go Ghandi on him and not do the rehearsals, so the contractman had to do them by himself."

Term of the Night: jackassery

 jackassery--a bad decision, an idiotic move.  The foolish behavior of a jackass.

Term of the Day: reign of terror

reign of terror--ongoing, abusive work environment, coming from an unstable head. "The propwoman led a 15-year reign of terror against the contract people who came into her theater, until her firing was orchestrated by a Broadway actor and theater legend."

Term of the Day: dry drunk

dry drunk--former drunk who is on the wagon, but still has the explosive rages or dysfunctional behavior associated with long-term drunks. Term comes from the12-step community.

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #31: "I've done three shows..."

New House Head: "I've done three shows. I know what I am doing."
Old Contractman: (Malicious laughter) "I've done 40 shows. I am not sure I've got it myself."

Term of the Day: turn the screws

turn the screws--to apply constant pressure on a person to get the results you want. "I turned the screws on the contract propman and he finally got me a new vacuum." Also: put the screws on. Turn the screws is a reference to thumbscrews, the medieval torture device.

Term of the Day: the Basement

the Basement--the two theaters run by the Manhattan Theatre Club in the basement of the City Center, famous for their low pay and substandard conditions for stagehands.

Term of the Day: the usual whistle stops

the usual whistle stops-- when a stagehand is bouncing around, they can make their money by doing the same big projects every year, like the Clinton Global Initiate, Fashion Week, the summer festivals at Lincoln Center or the Park Avenue Armory. "Where have you been working?" "Oh, the usual whistle stops." A whistle stop is a 19th century political term for a short visit by train from a political candidate, where they'd stop in a town, give a speech, then move on.

Term of the Day: empty headset

empty headset--a production stage manager who lacks the character, charisma or skills to do their job properly. "The new PSM is a real empty headset...there is not much there."

Term of the Day: light cues/heavy cues

light cues/heavy cues--at a long-running Broadway show, the house crew has two sets of cues that they offer sub heads, the light cues or the heavy cues. If they like the head, they give them the light cues. If they don't like them, they give them the heavy cues with back-breaking moves of heavy furniture.

Term of the Day: nothing teaches likes adversity

nothing teaches likes adversity--when bad experiences makes a better stagehand

Overheard Actor Line #3: "There is cheap all around."

 "There is cheap all around"-- on a hit Broadway show, when it was time for the actors to renew their contracts, the producers were offering $50-a-week raises. One actor sighed and said, "There is cheap all around."

Overheard Stagehand Line #42: "The worst kind of ass-kisser..."

"The worst kind of ass-kisser is the kind of ass-kisser who believes in his heart that he is a stand-up guy." 

Overheard Stagehand Line #41: "Backstage, he's 95 percent gentleman..."

Referring to a brilliant Broadway actor: "Backstage, he's 95 percent gentleman and five percent madman."

Term of the Day: lech

lech--dirty old man (or woman)

Term of the Day: rivets started popping again

the rivets started popping--when someone is beginning to lose it. "After being dressed down by the head to keep the crazy at home, the old stagehand tried to hold it together. After a few months, the rivets started popping again."

Overheard Stagehand Line #34: "He's not an open book...

"He's not an open book, he's more like an open wound"--said of a whiny stagehand, who always recalls negative experiences, or giving out TMI.

Term of the Day: toady

toady--ass-kisser. "Be careful with that guy...despite his Local #1 pedigree, he is a management toady."

Overheard Stagehand Line #23: "That tech would kick me down the stairs..."

"That tech would kick me down the stairs with a smile on his face."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #6: "another asshole"

At the end of the loadout, a head and stagehand had a brief conversation:
FAMOUSLY DIFFICULT HEAD: "On this show, I made you into a better stagehand."
STAGEHAND: "Nah, I just learned how to work for another asshole."

Term of the Day: the walls have ears

the walls have ears-- be careful what you say in the theater, for people will hear and will tell.

Story of the Day: Musicians and their trash

A famous propman took a show on the road with a core group of musicians, and they would pick up additional musicians at each stop. At the first stop, the musicians left a filthy pit full of newspapers, bottles and food trash. They refused to clean up.

The propman had his crew roll up the carpet with the trash, and at the next stop installed the carpet and the pit with the trash in place. The musicians were furious. "There is all this trash in the pit." Giving a vicious smile, the propman said, "Well, it is your trash." From then on, the musicians took care of their trash.

Term of the Day: adult day-care

adult day-care-- when an older boss comes to work every day, but delegates everything to his/her assistants, not working him/herself, using the job as a place to go. "The old head had entered the adult day-care period of his career, not leaving his office and only playing guitar all day."

Overheard Stagehand Line #21: "You can get a good stagehand for the same pay as a bad stagehand."

Broadway Head: "You can get a good stagehand for the same pay as a bad stagehand. That's why I never hire bad ones."

"If you kill me, I'll haunt you forever"

"If you kill me, I'll haunt you forever"--said to the young stagehand controlling the chain motor that suspended the piano I was working under.

Term of the Day: mook

mook--moron (from the movie "Mean Streets," as far as I can tell)

Term of the Day: gilding the turd

gilding the turd-- throwing good money away by trying to improve something that is worthless. Excessive amounts of labor and materials used to fix a prop or scenery that may not benefit from the attention. "The contract propman had me on construction to rehash an IKEA table. It was gilding the turd."

Term of the Day: kumbaya moment

kumbaya moment--  a moment of spiritual unity or interpersonal harmony. In the stage world, the meaning is mostly sarcastic. "It was a kumbaya moment, when the two old stagehands started talking after 20 years." Comes from an old Southern spiritual, which is a corruption of "Come By Here Lord."

Term of the Night: happy star, happy theater

happy star, happy theater--if the star is happy, the mood in the theater is good.

Term of the Day: kicking the can down the road

kicking the can down the road--refusal to make a decision in hiring, often in hiring new heads or extra stagehands. "When his extra man retired, the head refused to hire a new stagehand full time, just kicking the can down the road for a later decision."

Term of the Day: an itch

an itch--an annoying person. "The older actress ignored her younger, romantic co-star offstage. He was a constant itch during rehearsals and production."

Term of the Day: actor whisperer

actor whisperer-- director or stage manager good at working with actors. In the case of PSMs, a person able to calm down or contain a difficult actor.

Quote of the Day: "The juke-box musical is the cockroach of Broadway musicals"

"The juke-box musical is the cockroach of Broadway musicals"--this gorgeous line comes from New York Times theater critic Jesse Green's scathing review of the new musical "Summer," which details the life of Donna Summer, which is presently at the Lunt-Fontaine and is actually making a lot of money. The use of the term cockroach implies that juke-box musical, where old songs from a particular artist are used, will survive everything on Broadway, including nuclear war.

Term of the Night: Runyonesque character

Runyonesque character, Damon Runyon character--eccentric Broadway character. Damon Runyon was a 1920s and 1930's newspaper man whose short stories on the Broadway world inspired the musical "Guys and Dolls." The characters in the short stories included mobsters, showgirls, bookies and Salvation Army charity workers. Often the characters operated in the grey areas of the law, hanging out in nightclubs and bookie joints, looking for the next score. Occasionally people who work in the modern stage industry have some of these characteristics of this bygone era. I knew an alcoholic stagehand who ran book out of a Chinese restaurant. Some of the old Westies who work on Broadway have good stories, as well.
"When the musical 'Jersey Boys' opened in 2005, the son of the late Four Seasons bass player Nick Massi would show up to scalp tickets for the Broadway hit. When he kept trying to approach the cast when he was drunk, he was banned from the theater and the stage door.  He was a Runyonesque character."

Overheard Stagehand Line #16: "I'm going to his wake..."

"I'm going to his wake to make sure he's dead."

Term of the Day: "Hit me with your best shot"

"Hit me with your best shot"--from an old Pat Benatar song, implying that one stagehand in a confrontation doesn't have the guts to hit another.  See also: "Have at it."

Term of the Day: "I love the smell of overtime in the morning"

"I love the smell of overtime in the morning"--on that hard-to-achieve sixth day of work on load-ins,  those who work all six days start the day at time and a half. The quote is a takeoff of the Robert Duvall line in "Apocalypse Now."

Term of the Day: travel agent

travel agent--referring to a particular Broadway head, now retired..."He's the travel agent...if you piss him off, he’ll send you on vacation."

Term of the Day: shit-stirring with a big spoon

shit-stirring with a big spoon--professional gossip mongering on an epic level.

Term of the Day: to sweat someone

to sweat someone--to pursue someone relentlessly, in looking for work or in love. "The young stagehand kept sweating the older head, trying to get on his crew."

Term of the Day: “stealing food from my kid’s mouth”

“stealing food from my kid’s mouth”--to take work away from me

Term of the Day: Debbie Downer

Debbie Downer-- constant complainer. SHOULD be used for both sexes. Based on the old SNL skit.

Term of the Day: to trick out

to trick out--to customize for ease of use, especially a prop case, when storing awkwardly sized props. Also, to build a manual effect..."In 'Victor/Victoria,' the bar shelves were tricked out so they collapsed during the fight scene, and the bottles appeared to fall to the ground."

Term of the Day: "I'll keep you in mind"

"I'll keep you in mind"--if a head says this, he or she will never hire you.

Term of the Day: rice bowl issue

rice bowl issue--jurisdictional dispute over who gets the work. Can be between departments in a theater, different locals or different unions. "It was a rice bowl issue over who sets the tech tables, the carpenter or the prop man."

Term of the Day: botox brigade

botox brigade--modern replacement term for the blue-hair matinee. Blue-hair matinee is a reference to the Broadway theatergoers who used to pack the Wednesday matinees, specifically older women. Now that people are fighting aging on all levels, I have noticed more matinee theatergoers who have had work done.

Term of the Day: lush roller

lush roller--a petty criminal who specializes in robbing drunks passed out on the subway. It is a lost art, where the robber cuts a U-shaped hole in the front pocket of the passed-out drunk and pulls the wallet out. This happened to a famously drunk stagehand in the last few years on the subway going out to Queens. A man is his early eighties was arrested for lush rolling last year.

Term of the Night: put the fear of God in him

put the fear of God in him--when a shock makes someone do the right thing. "After the Fire Department threatened to shut down the theater for blocked fire exits, the incident put the fear of God in the house manager and he forced the crew to clear out the backstage area."

Term of the Day: old home day

old home day--reunion of people who have to seen each other for a long time. "The big industrials are like old home day, where you see people you haven't seen in years."

Term of the Day: to throw shade

 to throw shade--to insult someone, an epic, sneering takedown. First heard in the drag documentary "Paris is Burning" and later on "RuPaul's Drag Race."

Term of the Day: dog in that fight

dog in that fight--when two stagehands are fighting, you wisely stay out of combat and do not take sides. "Sorry, I don't have a dog in that fight."

Broadway Musician Humor

MUSICIANS:

Why is the musicians local named 802?

That’s the time they show up.

“Is this pit getting smaller or is it just me?”--proposed counseling

class at Local 802

What do you call a drummer whose girlfriend breaks up with him?

Homeless.

What’s the definition of a gentleman? Can play accordion but doesn’t.

Definition of an optimist: Mandolin player with a beeper.