Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #36: "less than nothing"

Stagehand #1: "That old carpenter? He stays in his room watching gun shows and screaming at the TV."

Stagehand #2: "Yeah, it is pretty amazing. I didn't know you could do less than nothing."

Expression of the Day: "no mopes, no shirks, no jerks"

 "no mopes, no shirks, no jerks"-- "My hiring philosophy is easy to remember--no mopes, no shirks, no jerks."

Expression of the Day: "A show's not dead until it dies on Broadway"

"A show's not dead until it dies on Broadway"--a doomed musical may travel the country for years, in workshops and productions, with hopes of succeeding on Broadway. Producers dreams are finally dashed when the show bombs and dies on Broadway. Maybe it is the final stake through the heart.

The retort should be, "There is always 'Encores' in 20 years." ("Encores" is the acclaimed series at City Center that revives old successful shows and beloved bombs.)

Expression of the Day: a douchebag with a human face

 a douchebag with a human face--pleasant-seeming person who does horrible things behind your back.

Term of the Day: pre-resume culture

pre-resume culture--Resumes still doesn't matter that much in the theaters of Broadway. More often it is your skill set--you can build a spiral staircase or you can fix a Vari-lite, or it is who you are related to, or who is your rabbi.

Term of the Day: unmake a bad stagehand

unmake a bad stagehand-- to cure a young stagehand of bad habits. "That TV commando I got from the hall? She was a nightmare, more obsessed with breaks than doing her job. I'll never use her again. I don't have time to unmake a bad stagehand."

Historic Theater Foods: special won-ton soup to go

special won-ton soup to go--whiskey in a take-out soup container. China Peace was a Chinese restaurant that ran for decades in Hell's Kitchen. It was at three different locations over time. Legendary stagehands and legendary drinkers would go there on matinee days. The owner was agreeable to fixing special "to-go" cups for his regular customers.

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #40: "They're really cute at that age"

Stagehand #1: "I hate that carpenter. He's a 76-year-old dry-drunk racist, who sits in his office, screaming at the TV."

Stagehand #2: "Oh yeah, they're really cute at that age."

Term of the Day: the Great Local #1 Headcase

the Great Local #1 Headcase--a Broadway head, famous for hiring old timers on his crew, promising them the world, then dumping them. "Be careful of that head-- he's the Great Local #1 Headcase...he'll give you work, but he'll break your heart. You can almost put the screwing on your calendar."

Term of the Day: underminer

underminer--stagehand who will undermine other members of the crew for personal advancement or because he/she can't help him or herself.

Term of the Night--"Anyone Can Tour"

"Anyone Can Tour"--a reference to the ACT card that is an IA card given out when a production company offers you a job and sends a letter to the International. The real meaning of the acronym is "Associated Crafts and Technicians." Some stagehands keep their ACT cards for decades, others join locals to hide their ACT roots.

Term of the Night: to 'Beau' a stagehand

to 'Beau' a stagehand-- when a stagehand refuses to leave a job they are stiffing and for revenge by the head, he or she is stripped of all extras, including presets, rehearsals, work calls and special events. Term comes from an annoying stagehand named Beau, who refused to leave a mega-hit Broadway show when the original stagehand who held the position asked to come back. He kept the job for several years until the show moved to another theater, but never earned another extra penny.

Term of the Day: out-assholing each other

out-assholing each other--when two stagehands ramp up attacks on each other. "At a job once, I was caught between a drunk and a dry drunk. They hated each other and spent all their time trying to out-asshole each other." 

Overheard Stagehand Line # 67: "You better get ready to fire him"

"When your extra man tells numerous humorous stories about fighting his bosses and getting thrown out of different venues, you better get ready to fire him."

Expression of the Day: the preservative quality of alcohol

the preservative quality of alcohol--when a rummy lives into  old age, pickled by alcohol. "Double-A, a famous Local #1 fall-down drunk with a violent streak, lived to 81. I guess you could say that is the preservative quality of alcohol."

Expression of the Night: there are lots of ears

there are lots of ears--the walls have ears...Be careful what you say in the theater, people are listening. "There are a lot of ears around here. Let's go into the alley to talk."

Term of the Day: diva whisperer

diva whisperer-- famous wardrobe woman named Suzi Gomez-Pizzo up at the Metropolitan Opera, responsible for dressing and keeping up the emotional morale of sopranos like Julia Bullock, Anna Netrebko and Deborah Voight. Term used in a New York Times profile of Gomez-Pizzo on June 13, 2025, on her retirement from the Met after 18 years.

Term of the Day: "Let me think about this for a few minutes"

"Let me think about this for a few minutes" -- code for "I'm going to the alley to call the business agent." When presented with an unsavory ask by the tech, say this to buy the time to go out to the alley to call the business agent.

Term of the Day: showmance

showmance (n.)--when two company members, be they cast, crew or musicians, become romantically and/or physically involved. Often happens on long-running shows. Sometimes it's the stars, like Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson on "Anna Christie." Neeson and Richardson left their spouses and married. They were together until she was fatally injured in a skiing accident. Often the affair ends when the show ends.

Term of the Day--dick dynasty

dick dynasty--when a nasty head famous for abusing his crew passes on his nastiness to his son or daughter, who then becomes a head and is abusive to their crew, as well. Now there are two generations of nasty heads in the same family, a dick dynasty. 

Term of the Day: a bookmark

 a bookmark--a stagehand inserted into a job on a temporary basis, possibly to prevent another stagehand from getting the job.

The Monster of Broadway is Back!

The Monster of Broadway is Back! Scott Rudin, the producer of "The Book of Mormon" and "To Kill a Mockingbird," was exiled from Broadway four years ago when it came to light that he had bullied, threatened and thrown things at his assistants, running through literally a thousand people in 10 years. With a semi-fawning, rehabilitative article in the March 28th, 2025 New York Times, Rudin is coming back to Broadway with three straight plays for the 2025-2026 fall-winter season, two of them starring Laurie Metcalf.

Term of the Night: to Marie Kondo your crew

to Marie Kondo your crew--to get rid of your crew, because they don't bring you joy. "That head? When the show ended, he got rid of his crew. He Marie Kondo'ed his crew because they didn't bring him joy." A reference to the Japanese anti-clutter specialist Marie Kondo, who says if your possessions don't bring you joy, get rid of them.

Stagehand Nickname of the Day: Quack Quack

 Quack Quack-- nickname for a stagehand who talk too much. "The 45-year-old apprentice would talk your ear off. The older stagehands started calling him Quack Quack."

Ghost Story of the Day: Mark Ruffalo's Wet Willy from David Belasco

The straight play "Awake and Sing" by Clifford Odets was at the Belasco in  2006. The ghost of the theater owner and impresario David Belasco is known to play benign pranks on visiting actors. Mark Ruffalo played a gangster in the show and as a method actor, when his character went into the bedroom to take a nap, Ruffalo would walk through the set and lay down on a cot outside the set wall.. Of course, the nearby carpenters, Big Al and Little Al,  would harass him. One night, Ruffalo got a wet willy. He brushed the finger away and said, "Big Al, stop it!" No one was there. We believe that the ghost of David Belasco gave Mark Ruffalo a wet willy.

Term of the Night: production meeting karma

production meeting karma--when difficult production people get flayed alive at post-preview production meetings. "The famously backstabby production stage manager was called out by name at the post-show production meeting and reamed out by an angry director. She experienced some production meeting karma." 

Term of the Night: cross-hire

 cross-hire--in one theater, where one head hires a stagehand who works in a different department. "The electrician refused to let his stagehands be cross-hired by the other heads. If you worked for the carpenter or prop man, he would not hire you again."

Term of the Day: shaping while baked

shaping while baked--when a stagehand shows up looking for work stoned. "The 40-year-old stagehand smelled like skunk weed when he came by looking for work. I've dealt with drunk men looking for work before, but this was the first time I had a guy 'shaping while baked.'" "shaping" is an old stagehand term for showing up a job site, looking for work.

Grim Site of the Day: murder bathroom

murder bathroom-- famously grim Broadway bathroom. Exposed concrete, the smell of urine and a creepy environment.. Nicknamed the "murder bathroom" by wardrobe. "There hasn't been a murder in the murder bathroom yet, but one day there will be." Bathroom was featured on Instagram. Also nicknamed the "saw bathroom," after the horror movie.

Term of the Day: Local One suicide bomber

Local One suicide bomber--when a stagehand seems intent on blowing up his or her job. "He was a good worker for me for five years, then suddenly turned on members of the crew, and even the boss. He seemed intent on getting fired, on blowing up his job on the show. He got his wish. He was a Local One suicide bomber."

Term of the Night: to dog walk someone

 to dog walk someone--to publicly humiliate someone, to figuratively walk someone on a leash in front of others. Compliments of the rapper Cardi B.

Overheard Stagehand Line #70: "God left Broadway years ago."

 Stagehand #1: "The shop fucked up again. They forgot to send controller cables. God willing, they will come on the next truck."

Stagehand #2: "There is no God on Broadway. God left Broadway years ago."

Stagehand Warning of the Night: "know your assholes"

"know your assholes"-- "That middle-aged stagehand? She's famous for attacking other women on the job. You've been warned. Know your assholes."

Expression of the Night: "We hate the same people"

 "We hate the same people"--when stagehands are bonded by their mutual hate of the same people. "I love eating dinner with that guy. We have great conversations. We hate the same people."

Expression of the Night: "You can't hit a moving target"

 "You can't hit a moving target"--If you are working around the theater or constantly moving, management has a hard time nailing you, and stage managers can't find you. If you are in your office, with your feet on the desk, you become an easy target.

Overheard Line #69: "I am sure props invented the wheel...I guarantee it!"

 "I am sure props invented the wheel...I guarantee it!" Theatrical Teamster at a recent loadout making fun of the prop department's reliance on dollies when loading trucks.

Expression of the Night: balls in a jar

balls in a jar-- castration reference, possibly as a response to violent behavior or other serious trouble. "When the theater owners finally put his balls in a jar, the violent old carpenter stopped attacking his co-workers. He retreated to his office and stayed there, watching gun shows and screaming at the TV."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #68: "How many years..."

NEW BROADWAY HOUSE HEAD: "You've been a head for 25 years. How many years did it take for you to start going nuts?"

OLD BROADWAY HOUSE HEAD: "What do you mean? Talking to yourself and firing your crew? I'd say about 10 years. Yeah, 10 is a good number."

Term of the Night: there are lots of ears

 there are lots of ears--the walls have ears...Be careful what you say in the theater, people are listening.

Term of the Day: gilding the turd

gilding the turd-- throwing good money away by trying to improve something that is worthless. Excessive amounts of labor and materials used to fix a prop or scenery that may not benefit from the attention. "The contract propman had me on construction to rehash an IKEA table. It was gilding the turd."

Overheard Stagehand Line #63: "Geniuses don't make good stagehands..."

Old Roadman: "Geniuses don't make good stagehands. They get bored easily and die young."

Term of the Night: deaf and dumb (D & D)

 deaf and dumb (D & D)-- an old longshoreman's term. "He's deaf and dumb, he didn't hear anything and can't say anything about it."

Overheard Line of the Day #67: "I just get off the bus and go where they tell me to go"

YOUNG POPULAR STAGEHAND: "I just get off the bus and go where they tell me to go." When a young stagehand, who is always working, has no agency over the venues he/she works in, and doesn't care. He/she follows the orders of the heads who hire them.

Term of the Day: adult daycare

 adult daycare-- when an older boss comes to work every day, but delegates everything to his/her assistants, not working him/herself, using the job as a place to go. "The old head had entered the adult daycare period of his career, not leaving his office and only playing guitar all day."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #66: Would you call that an auto-fucking?

 Worried Stagehand: "Why have you stopped hiring me?"

Head: "I got sick of the bomb-throwing and the shit-stirring. I think you fucked yourself. Would you call that an auto-fucking?"

Expression of the Day: "no tools, no hardware, no interpersonal skills, no dignity"

"no tools, no hardware, no interpersonal skills, no dignity"--a Broadway production carpenter famous for coming to the theater empty handed and only bring his abrasive personality.

Term of the Night: a bomb thrower

 a bomb thrower--stagehand who intentionally says provocative things, to stir the shit. Often collapses when confronted with their bullshit.

Term of the Day: bird-dog someone

 bird-dog someone--to harass a coworker, usually maliciously.

Term of the Day: whiff of a sociopath

whiff of a sociopath--when you realize the person you are working with is quite off and possibly dangerous, someone with sociopathic tendencies. "I only met two guys like him in the last 20 years, but when I worked with the ex-bank teller all day, he talked nonstop about creepy things. I came away with the whiff of a sociopath off of him."

Term of the Night: The Disappearing Stagehand

the Disappearing Stagehand--a stagehand who constantly disappears during the workday. "A friend recommended a young stagehand. He was good, he worked hard and took initiative, then he started disappearing multiple times during the workday. I realized that I had unknowingly hired the Disappearing Stagehand. For my last magic trick, I disappeared him back to the replacement room forever.

Stagehands I Have Known #3: Le Miza Bob

 Le Miza Bob--a miserable stagehand named Bob, always complaining and sucking the life out of those he works with. A takeoff on the title of the never-ending musical “Le Miz.” In Local #1, we have a Le Miza Bob working Legit and one at Jimmy Fallon’s “Late Show.”

Term of the Day: manna from the heavens

manna from the heavens--an unexpected job. From the Old Testament reference. "My show closed and I had no prospects. The sudden opening on the prop crew at the Wintergarden was like manna from the heavens."

Term of the Day: "You're killing me"

"You're killing me"--exasperated line when somebody gets in your way constantly or is blocking your worksite on stage with scenery or props. The proper response: "If only it were true."

Overheard Stagehand Line #64: "I don't trust that guy..."

 Famous Tough Head: "I don't trust that guy... he's always smiling."

Term of the Day: the fix was in

the fix was in--Things were determined a long time ago. “Even though the heads' jobs for the new Hudson Theatre were listed in the union newsletter,the fix was in months ago.”

Term of the Day: punch her ticket

punch her ticket—to send somebody back to where they came from, like off-Broadway. “The hateful designer was unfit for Broadway. We punched her ticket and sent her back to the Public Theatre.” Train reference.

Term of the Night--hundred-dollar headache

hundred-dollar headache--the hundred extra dollars the contract ahead makes doesn't make up for the headaches. "For a hundred dollars more than his/her assistant, the contract head gets all the blame and abuse that he/she can stand. That is a hundred-dollar headache." 

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #44: "I don't hit emotional cripples."

Stagehand #1:"I hear the old carpenter wants to take you out in the alley for a fight."
Stagehand #2: "He's out of luck. I don't hit emotional cripples."

Term of the Day: anger management issues

 anger management issues--sudden explosions from (usually) older stagehands. "Him? Don't take it personally when he suddenly starts screaming. The old carpenter just has some serious anger management issues."

Term of the Day: loading in sideways

loading in sideways--when the load-in of a show is already fucked up, with major technical issues and possibly financial ones. Does not bode well for a long run.

Stagehand Dialogue #31: "...make sure he's dead..."

Young Stagehand: "When that tech dies, are you going to his wake?"

Old Stagehand: "Of course. I have to make sure he's dead." 

Term of the Day: stagehand first aid

stagehand first aid-- paper towel and electrical tape. "Doing construction, the electrician cut his hand. His partner gave him stagehand first aid, bandaging him up with a paper towel and electrical tape.

Term of the Day--"Do it fast, do it wrong, do it over"

"Do it fast, do it wrong, do it over"--when stagehands work too fast and don't concentrate, the boss will have to make them fix their mistakes.

Expression of the Day-- "And the Easter Bunny is Dead"

"And the Easter Bunny is Dead"--your optimism is unwarranted, your dreams won't come true, your dreams will be crushed. "My extra man expressed hope that we'd get Sunday off during the last week of production. I said, 'That won't happen, and by the way, the Easter Bunny is dead.'"

Term of the Day: to walk someone in

 to walk someone in--when a Broadway head with a lot of juice takes a protege and walks them into the office of the theater executive who hires heads. Also, to make an introduction to the the executive who does the hiring. For some legendary heads, this was a sure route of getting their own people hired as heads on Broadway.

Term of the Night: "Say anything, tell them nothing"

"Say anything, tell them nothing"--old Irish saying, good for dealing with shit-stirrers. Do not give any information that is useful. Give them blarney.

Term of the Day: uptight nice, uptight nasty

 uptight nice, uptight nasty-- two flavors of Broadway stage managers.

Term of the Day: to go Ghandi on someone

to go Ghandi on someone-- to refuse to do something, to use passive resistance, or maybe passive aggressiveness, to force a change.  "When the contract propman stopped providing the props for the lift rehearsals at half hour, the house head told the extra stagehands to go Ghandi on him and not do the rehearsals, so the contractman had to do them by himself."

Overheard Stagehand Line #54: "When the hateful old carpenter tantrums at work..."

"When the hateful old carpenter tantrums at work, he's not defending the union or even the jurisdiction....he's defending his damaged inner child."

Term of the Day: off-Broadway habits

off-Broadway habits--due to low pay, bad habits develop with some off-Broadway stagehands, including hiding, disappearing to make phone calls and vaping in the theater. "I hired some off-Broadway stagehands for a load in, but they couldn't seem to break some bad off-Broadway habits, like hiding at the end of the day when others were working."

Term of the Day: "I speak fluent Irish American"

"I speak fluent Irish American"--since Local #1 still has a large number of Irish American members, it is useful to understand the Irish American psychology. There are specific subsets, like the Westies of Hell’s Kitchen, Rockland County Irish, Queens Irish and Long Island Irish.

Term of the Day: ticket back to the replacement room

ticket back to the replacement room-- when a stagehand burns his or her own bridges with a head. "The rude young extra man punched his own ticket back to the replacement room during the load-in. He would have to shape the union hall for work."

Overheard Stagehand Line #55: "When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation....

"When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation, it was brutal for the old creep, but I had to teach him that it wasn't Las Vegas in 1982 anymore. No one else was going to do it."

Term of the Day: Jersey Attitude

Jersey Attitude-- a stagehand with an aggressive, stubborn attitude.  "The contract propwoman was very difficult, so I hired a day worker with a Jersey Attitude, to make her life hell during production." A Jersey Attitude can be a very effective weapon.

Overheard Stagehand Line #38: "Don't mind him, he's just being his usual asshole self"

Before he left Local #1 to become a nurse, the rage-filled stagehand used to threaten his fellow stagehands and the occasional star. I used to tell people, "Don't mind him, he's just being his usual asshole self." 

Combative Response of the Day: "I'm not a psychiatrist...."

"I'm not a psychiatrist...the damage was done long ago." In my first contract job, my boss hated me and kept trying to fire me. Once, he was screaming at me over a half-full trash can. With my sharp tongue, I cut him to bits. "I'm not a psychiatrist...the damage was done long ago," I said, feigning compassion. He was stunned speechless. The next day, he went back to trying to fire me. He never succeeded.

Overheard Stagehand Line #39: "Evil Gene was always happiest..."

"Evil Gene was always happiest when he was ripping off contract stagehands he'd hired of money they deserved." A reference to a now retired tech, famous for screwing stagehands who worked for him.

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #43: "I don't fuck scabs"

(Two Onesies in a bar are talking)

 Local One Stagehand #1: "That guy who is sweating you doesn't have a card."

Local One Stagehand #2: "I don't fuck scabs."

Local One Stagehand #1: "What, just kissing?" 

Term of the Day: a Thanksgiving turkey

a Thanksgiving turkey--a show that opens in the early fall, doesn't sell tickets and closes by Thanksgiving.

Term of the Days: big-hair musicals

big-hair musicals-- big, epic musicals from the 1980's, like "Cats," "Les Misrables" and "Phantom of the Opera."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #42: "That old shark has a couple of good bites left"

Stagehand:    "That tech keeps circling me...I think he's coming in for the attack."

Head:             "Watch out..that old shark still has a couple of good bites left."

Term of the Day: All-Day Ray

All-Day Ray-- famous mechanic, now retired, who was known for working slowly and taking all day on projects, big or small. When sent to the alley to build things during the load ins, you wouldn't see Ray until the end of the day.

Overheard Stagehand Line #33: "He never screwed me just for fun."

"That tech? He is the closest to honorable as techs get on Broadway. When I worked for him, he never screwed me just for fun."

Term of the Night: strangling the golden goose

strangling the golden goose--when a stagehand makes a concerted effort to destroy his/her cushy job, resulting in firing or being forced out. "The deranged soundman attacked every department at the big juke box musical. Despite an overage, he attacked his boss, strangling the golden goose. He quit before his inevitable firing."

Term of the Day: a white whale

 a white whale--an obsession that may end up destroying you. "I hate that guy...I have been trying to make sure he doesn't get his card time. It's become my white whale." This is a reference to "Moby Dick."

Term of the Day: small ears

small ears--a child. When a visiting child is in the building, cut your language. Or if there are children in the show, be more careful. "Watch out, there are small ears in the basement. Stop cursing." 

Term of the Day: blood in the water

blood in the water--when there is blood in the water, the sharks will come. When a head is on the cusp of being fired, other stagehands will start circling around for his/her job. See also: the vultures are circling

Term of the Day: deep-seeded hatred of stagehands

deep-seeded hatred of stagehands-- an irrational rage and hatred of stagehands. "The genial PSM, known for his candy drawer, had a deep-seeded hatred of stagehands that popped up periodically. His jovial self was not to be trusted."

Term of the Day: shark with a smile

shark with a smile--friendly and pleasant backstabber, known for sudden, brutal attacks. "She's a shark with a smile...everything is fine until she bites you."

Overheard Stagehand Line #49: "I haven't been this hated..."

"I haven't been this hated since third grade"--marveling at the rage and hatred of some older stagehands.

Term of the Day: work scared

work scared--when long-time stagehands at a venue fear for their jobs, and as a result are hostile to new or younger stagehands that come in.