Overheard Stagehand Line #61: There are easy lessons and hard lessons...

There are easy lessons and hard lessons in the stage business...the young contract stagehand kept poking the house electrician in the eye, so he seemed to prefer the hard lessons.

Term of the Day: rank smell of self pity

rank smell of self pity-- when self pity lurks beneath the rage and violence. "During one of old carpenter's screaming tantrums on deck, I caught a whiff of the rank smell of self pity under the cursing and violence."

Term of the Day: talking out of his ass

 talking out of his ass-- when someone speaks with authority about something they know nothing about. "The stagehand was telling people that 'Mockingbird' was going to be moved. He was talking out of his ass."

Term of the Day: cold dead hands

cold dead hands--to take something away from me, I'd have to be dead. "If you want this job from me, you'll have to pry it out of my cold dead hands."

Term of the Day: bare-knuckle Broadway

bare-knuckle Broadway -- when all pretentions of art drop to the wayside and money is king. "The theater owners forced a show to close, hoping to make more money on the next show. That was an example of bare-knuckle Broadway."

Expression of the Day: balls in a jar

balls in a jar-- castration reference, possibly as a response to violent behavior or other serious trouble. "When the theater owners finally put his balls in a jar, the violent old carpenter stopped attacking his co-workers. He retreated to his office and stayed there, watching gun shows and screaming at the TV."

Term of the Day: the Big Three, the non-Big Three

the Big Three, the non-Big Three--the big Broadway theater owners, which are the Shuberts, the Nederlanders and Jujamcyn, are the Big Three. The Shuberts own 17 theaters, the Nederlanders own nine and Jujamcyn owns five. The non-Big Three include the Circle in the Square, the Manhattan Theatre Club and the Roundabout (which owns the Sondheim, the American Airlines and Studio 54).

Expression of the day: whiff of an attitude problem

whiff of an attitude problem-- a warning sign of the future problems of a bad attitude. "The young stagehand kept asking me for work, but I got a whiff of an attitude problem, so I never hired her."

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #44: "I don't hit emotional cripples."

Stagehand #1:"I hear the old carpenter wants to take you out in the alley for a fight."
Stagehand #2: "He's out of luck. I don't hit emotional cripples."

Overheard Stagehand Line #48: "She'll put you in three bags"

 "My stagehand friend is very generous, but don't cross her...she'll put you in three bags and they'll find you in two different boroughs."

Overheard Stagehand Line #54: "When he tantrums at work..."

"When he tantrums at work, he's not defending the union or even the jurisdiction....he's defending his damaged inner child."

Overheard Stagehand Line #30: "She only speaks jerk."

Extra Man Referring to a Condescending Stage Manager:  "She only speaks jerk." (A much harsher word was used in the original.)

Term of the Day: tantrum du jour

tantrum du jour--for that irritable co-worker who always has a reason to explode about something.

Historical Analysis of the Day: "I am sure props invented the wheel..."

 "I am sure props invented the wheel...I guarantee it!" Theatrical Teamster at a recent loadout making fun of the prop reliance on dollies when loading trucks.

Overheard Stagehand Line #59: "It's important to have an assistant who's as paranoid as you are"

"It's important to have an assistant who's as paranoid as you are"--it's important to have an assistant who will alert you to dirty dealings by the tech, SMs or the contract stagehand. They are your eyes and ears. These people will often try to screw you and try to break down the conditions.

Overheard Stagehand Line #52: "...it's like he works at Baskin Robbins, but only knows how to scoop vanilla."

I was trying to explain the new PSM to my wife. I said, "He's limited...it's like he works at Baskin Robbins, but only knows how to scoop vanilla. And only one scoop in a cup."

Overheard Stagehand Line #40: "He's a talented stagehand..."

 "He's a very talented stagehand, he's just not a talented human being."

Overheard House Manager Line #1: "After the second fuck you..."

 "After the second fuck you, I throw them out of the theater"--a Broadway house manager, referring to recent uptick in uncivil behavior by patrons, most often from the New York area theatergoers. He prefers tourists for civility.

Term of the Day: conniption fit

conniption fit--hissy fit, freakout, often after a perceived act of stupidity by another person. This outburst is usually accompanied by physical gestures, hand waving or throwing things.

Term of the Day: to cut them off at the knees

to cut them off at the knees-- to thoroughly and publicly humiliate someone.  "When the assistant porter challenged the house propwoman on deck during the load in, the propwoman cut the porter off at the knees, making quick work of her in front of a dozen stagehands."

Term of the Day: half an asshole

half an asshole--stagehand who is unpredictable...not always nasty, but not very nice.

Term of the Day: an elaborate song and dance routine

an elaborate song and dance routine-- when someone gives you an elaborate story or uses an outright lie to cover up a fuck up or a personal error.

Term of the Day: deaf and dumb (D & D)

deaf and dumb (D & D)-- an old longshoreman's term. "He's deaf and dumb, he didn't hear anything and can't say anything about it."

Term of the Day: the calvary ain't coming

 the calvary ain't coming-- we are not going to be saved, the show is closing. "Despite the actor rumors that the producers are going to recast the show or the original Tony-winning star is coming back, the calvary ain't coming. The loadout is going on as scheduled."