Term of the Night: Broadway ADD

Broadway ADD--the recent pervasiveness of short musicals and plays, such as "The Band's Visit" (95 minutes) and "Meteor Shower"(66 minutes). Twenty years ago, most musicals were up to 2:45 or even 2:55 in length.

Term of the Day: a head turner

a head turner--an attractive person. "The new dancer was a real head turner."

Term of the day: macher

macher--(Yiddish) leader, high-powered boss who gets things done. "That head is a real macher. He gets things done with management."

Term of the Day: spike the locks

spike the locks--to jam wood (i.e. toothpicks) in the mechanism of a lock, spitefully destroying it.

Term of the Day: dumpster fire

dumpster fire--out of control or badly handled situation.

Term of the Day: Fifty-one Percent Rule

Fifty-one Percent Rule--When a Local 802 musician gets a job on a show, by contract he or she is required to work at least 51 percent of the shows. Sometimes the pit will be packed with subs, making for a musically chaotic show.

Musician Term of the Day: doubler monkey

doubler monkey-- young, hungry musician, new to town and willing to sub. A doubler for musicians is someone who is playing more than two instruments.

Term of the Day: show widow, show widower

show widow, show widower--wife, husband or partner of an actor or stagehand working on a Broadway production.

Term of the Day: "Do you want a gold star?"

"Do you want a gold star?"-- sarcastic line when a stagehand is boasting of a repair he or she made, or how great a project turned out. Or: "I am out of gold stars."

Term of the Day: "somebody needs a hug"

"somebody needs a hug"-- sarcastic line to use when somebody is complaining vehemently. It can break the mood.

Overheard Stagehand Line #28: "I liked the guy, but I had to fire him..."

"I liked the guy, but I had to fire him.  Sometimes you've just got to put a rabid dog down."

Term of the Day: carry it surfboard style

carry it surfboard style-- when carrying a long, rectangular item that is narrow, like a dressing room counter, it is sometimes helps for two stagehands to carry it surfboard style.

Famous Stagehands in History #2: Barrymore Theatre Carpenter, 1949

In 1949, Marlon Brando was the toast of Broadway in Tennessee Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire" at the Barrymore Theatre. Now Brando fancied himself a boxer. The head carpenter of the Barrymore, whose name I have not found, really was a boxer. The men would spar in the boiler room at the Barrymore, and finally the carpenter broke Brando's nose, damaging his pretty-boy looks. Brando did not have his nose repaired. This story was in his memoir "Songs My Mother Taught Me."

Stagehands I Have Known #2: The Man from Paco Rabonne

The Man from Paco Rabonne--mean old carpenter who wore too much cheap cologne. Now retired.

Term of the Day--the let in

the let in--when the audience is loaded into a theater

Term of the Day: "somebody's got a tax shelter"

"somebody's got a tax shelter"--when the producers are spending money hand over fist on a show that is destined to bomb, some wag might say,  "Somebody's got a tax shelter."

Overheard Stagehand Line #18: "You can make a lot of money and be miserable..."

"You can make a lot of money and be miserable, or you can make a lot of money and be happy. It's your choice."

Term of the Day: showmance

showmance (n.)--when two company members, be they cast, crew or musicians, become romantically and/or physically involved. Often happens on long-running shows. Sometimes it's the stars, like Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson on "Anna Christie."

Term of the Day: short shelf life

short shelf life--dancers and ingenues don't often last very long on Broadway.

Term of the Day: spitty

spitty(adj.)--an actor who spits a lot when he or she enunciates their lines

Term of the Day: take a punch

take a punch--able to handle difficult bosses. "I can take a punch, I can handle difficult bosses." "He picks on you because he knows you can take a punch."

Term of the Day: garden-variety asshole

garden-variety asshole--difficult stagehand with no power.

Overheard Stagehand Line #22: Calling him a drunk..."

"Calling him a drunk is probably the nicest thing I can say about him."

Term of the Day: panties in a twist

panties in a twist--actor hissy fit

Overheard Stagehand Line #21: "Remember who butters your bread"

Head to an Extra Man: "Remember who butters your bread"...give me the loyalty I deserve, for I hire you.

Term of the Day: alta kaka

alta kaka--old timer, old person. (Yiddish) Can be used to refer to the blue-hair matinee patrons or old stagehands. "The carpenter is an alta kaka...he was in Local #1 before we had an annuity."

Term of the Night: "My rabbi just got his own synagogue"

"My rabbi just got his own synagogue"--When your rabbi becomes the head of a theater, gets a head's job.

Term of the Day: collateral damage

collateral damage--unintended victims. "When the head was fired and replaced, his regular stagehands never worked in that theater again. They were collateral damage to regime change."

Term of the Day: to bitch someone

to bitch someone--to savage a person behind their back

Term of the Day: the Local #1 hustle

 the Local #1 hustle--working two of three jobs to make a very healthy income...subbing on Broadway, working TV, doing industrials or working at heavy-duty action places like the Garden. In the end of the year, you turn in 25 W-2s to your accountant.

Term of the Day: "Take a break, we've got it covered"

"Take a break, we've got it covered"--sarcastic line when a stagehand takes a phonecall on his/her cell phone while others are working hard.

Term of the Day: deaf and dumb (D & D)

deaf and dumb (D & D)-- an old longshoreman's term. "He's deaf and dumb, he didn't hear anything and can't say anything about it."

Term of the Day: survival job

survival job--job that an actor has to pay the rent while auditioning for acting roles on Broadway and elsewhere. Survival jobs are often ones that have flexibility to allow an actor go to auditions and callbacks, like restaurant work, personal training and temping.

Term of the Day: second banana

second banana--a comedian in a vaudeville or burlesque theater who plays a secondary role. An actor who plays a secondary role to the leading man. A sidekick. "Tony Roberts has had a brilliant career playing second bananas, to Woody Allen in 'Annie Hall' and Al Pacino in 'Serpico.'"

Term of the Day: make a federal offense out of something

make a federal offense out of something--when a boss overreacts and makes a big issue out of a small mistake. "You are making a federal offense out of this small mistake." Sometimes, it is gathering offenses to force a stagehand out.

Term of the Day: Who's your hook?

Who's your hook?--who is your mentor, who got you into this theater for work? "Charlie Rosen was my first hook in the business."

Term of the Day: to muscle it off

to muscle it off—using brute force to take a trapped automated piece offstage,  a group of stagehands moving an impossibly large piece. “We need to muscle the piece into the truck,” “George and I muscled the shower unit offstage.” 

Term of the Night: Broadway beachhead

Broadway beachhead--when a producer or director from another entertainment industry tries to establish his or herself on Broadway. "J.J. Abrams, the director of many films and TV shows, tried to establish a Broadway beachhead by producing 'The Play that Goes Wrong,' the British farce."

Term of the Day: "much, much better than new"

"much, much better than new"--after a repair onstage or after a paint call, where the set looks all bright and new, a stagehand or a scenic may say, "Much, much better than new," in a sarcastic or boastful manner. The line comes from an old Meineke Muffler commercial from the 1980's. 

Term of the Day: monkeys trying to fuck a football

monkeys trying to fuck a football--major screw up involving multiple players. Fun to watch. "Watching the new carpenter and his inexperienced assistant fit the oversized rolling unit through the tiny stage door was like watching monkeys trying to fuck a football."

Overheard Stagehand Line #24: "Retirement or death..."

A Stagehand referring to a Miserable Older Stagehand: "He's a miserable old man. Retirement or death will take care of him. I don't really care which one comes first."

Term of the Night: sandbar

sandbar--incident or snag that stops a load-in or part of a load-in cold in its tracks. "PRG sent us a broken controller, so we weren't able to operate motors to lower the empty road boxes into the trap. It was the sandbar that stopped everything."

Term of the Night: Cha-Ching!

Cha-Ching!--sound you make when it is clear we are going into overtime. (mimicking the sound of a cash register opening.) Also: Ka-Ching!

Term of the Day: out-of-town closing

out-of-town closing-- when the producers pull the plug on Broadway-bound due to the quality of show or no money. The show does not make it to Broadway. It is like a miscarriage--the show was not meant to be born.

Term of the Day: have a sidebar

have a sidebar--to discuss a potentially controversial issue in private, taken from the legal world, where two lawyers will discuss a matter with the judge, out of earshot of the larger courtroom.

Overheard Stagehand Line #26: "He's got a spotty relationship..."

"He's got a spotty relationship with the truth." Um, the man's a liar.

Term of the Day: gravy

gravy--extra benefits. “Working the show is gravy after the load-in.”

Term of the Day: chest thumping

chest thumping--when a head makes a lot of noise over a turf issue in the theater, more about asserting authority than a logistical issue. Similar to gorillas in the wild.

Term of the Day: to foist someone or something into a situation

to foist someone or something into a situation--to force an unwanted person or item into a situation. "The tech foisted his nephew onto the prop crew." 

Term of the Day: taco short of a combo platter

a taco short of a combo platter--someone who is not all there. See also: odd duck

Term of the Day: marley, marley tape

marley--vinyl dance floor. marley tape--vinyl tape used to tape seams of a marley dance floor. Marley tape is useful for onstage repairs because it doesn't reflect the light.

Term of the Day: manna from the heavens

manna from the heavens--an unexpected job. From the Old Testament reference. "My show closed and I had no prospects. The sudden opening on the prop crew at the Wintergarden was like manna from the heavens."

Term of the Day: A-2

A-2-- deck soundman/soundwoman responsible for distributing and collecting mic packs, swapping out mics during the show.

Term of the Day: stairway wit

stairway wit--the nasty rejoinder you think of too late when you are going up the stairs in the theater, and the thing that you did not say to the person who deserved it.