Term of the Night: (the) usual suspects

(the) usual suspects--stagehands you'd expect to see at a load in, working for a particular head. "At the load in, who did you see working in Electrics? Oh, the usual suspects." Taken from the 1995 Kevin Spacey movie.

Term of the Night: the fix was in

the fix was in--Things were determined a long time ago. "Even though the heads' jobs for the new Hudson Theatre were listed in the union newsletter, the fix was in months ago." "The fix is in, brother, the fix is always in."

Term of the night: schlub

schlub(Yiddish)--stupid, useless or unattractive person. "The hall sent me a schlub that kept going out on unauthorized cigarette breaks. I put him on my 'do not hire' list.

Term of the Night: "Say anything, tell them nothing"

"Say anything, tell them nothing"--old Irish saying, good for dealing with shit-stirrers. Do not give any information that is useful. Give them blarney.

Term of the Night: chump change

chump change--small amounts of money, often not worth counting or taking a job for. "For the producer Scott Rudin, who produces $250 million movies like 'Batman,' producing on Broadway involves chump change. A $3 million play is nothing for him."

Question of the Day: What's the definition of a friend in Los Angeles?

What's the definition of a friend in Los Angeles?
Stabs you in the chest.

Term of the Night: slumming

slumming--hanging out in a rougher, poorer neighborhood that is not your own, often provoking the resentment of the locals. "When his theater was closed, my cousin tried slumming in TV."

Term of the Day: roll with the punches

roll with the punches--to deal with an ongoing difficult situation

Term of the Day: ice cream doors

ice cream door--small door on side of box truck that allows driver to pull out small boxes for delivery without opening up the truck. Like the small door on the old ice cream trucks. Also: Good Humor doors.

Term of the Day: Chicken Little

Chicken Little--a doom-and-gloom stagehand, always sees the sky as falling, can rip the silver-lining out of every cloud.

Term of the Day: blood cannon

blood cannon--sprays fake blood on stage (Lieutenant of Innishmore)

Term of the Day: things go sideways

things go sideways--things get screwed up. "Things were going smoothly with the load in, until they started going sideways when the scenery truck didn't show up on the third day."

Term of the Day: "The chickens have come home to roost"

"The chickens have come home to roost"--bad actions have consequences. It is the Malcolm X line on the Kennedy assassination.

Term of the Day: NSFW

NSFW-- not safe for work. Stories that are offensive, misogynistic or sexist and should not be told at work. Or in the digital age, videos or pictures that may be offensive. I wouldn't show people that video...it's NSFW."

Term of the Day: Jesus nails

Jesus nails--any nail 4” or longer (Sapsis Rigging)

Term of the Day: "It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it"

"It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it"--A relative of mine got a plum job as a TV news studio head, which is a "lights on, lights off" studio. Somebody said it was an old man's job. His response was, "It's an old man's job, but I'll grow into it."

Term of the Day: The "It's Over" Meeting

The "It's Over" Meeting--the load-out meeting. When an actress at a recent show of mine saw the production crew and house heads sitting in the house discussing the load out, she said in a chirpy voice, "Oh, it's the 'it's over' meeting." She was right.

Term of the Day: to sit shiva

to sit shiva--to go to a wake, mourning period. From the Hebrew, meaning seven, for the seven-day mourning period.

Term of the Day: shop mechanic

shop mechanic--skilled carpenter from scenic shop, sometimes has no sense of stagecraft

Term of the Night: to get your back up

to get your back up--to be become angry and defensive or combative because of the actions of another individual

Term of the Day: self-winder

self-winder--someone who is easily wound up by gossip or a rumor, often done intentionally by others. See also: wind him/her up.

 

Term of the Day: put his/her papers in

put his/her papers in-- to retire

Term of the Day: "We don't play that way in this house"

"We don't play that way in this house"--a famous Broadway head's response when asked to hire a stagehand without a card.

Term of the Day: Weeping Willow

Weeping Willow--constant complainer, a name given to the old scenic at East Coast Theatrical Supply in the 1980s.

Term of the Day: pure stagehandese

pure stagehandese--stagehand slang, a stagehand who is conversant in the slang used by Local #1 stagehands. Often generational stagehands, whose fathers or grandfathers were in Local #1. I find that many stagehands under 50 don't understand what a busted valise is. "One of the extra men in the carpentry department speaks the purest stagehandese I have ever heard."

Term of the Day: (to) Wildhorn someone

(to) Wildhorn someone--The main Broadway reviewers for the New York Times hate the composer Frank Wildhorn, so his musicals like "Bonnie and Clyde" and "Dracula" always get savaged. Repeated vicious reviews about the same composer or playwright by the same reviewer means that the artist has been Wildhorned.

Term of the Day: winging it

winging it--to repair something without the right materials, to improvise a solution. The original roots may be that "winging it" meant someone was feeding lines to an onstage actor from the wings. 

Quote of the Day: "You can't break iron"

"You can't break iron"--When asked how he was recovering from an injury incurred when somebody pushed a roadbox on him, the stagehand, who survived the horrors of Vietnam combat, said with deadpan intensity, "You can't break iron."

Term of the Day: you reap what you sow

you reap what you sow--when your decisions or actions have long term and usually bad results. "The young stagehand's fistfight with an assistant designer got him banned from most industrials. You reap what you sow."

Historical Follies: rewriting the laws of Broadway

“I’m going to rewrite the laws of Broadway.” --Garth Drabinsky, Canadian impresario, who fought extradition in Canada after his pump-and-dump stock scam through LivEnt. He was sentenced to seven years in prison in Canada (in 2009). In the end, Drabinsky's sentence was reduced to five years, of which he served 17 months in the Canadian penal system, being released in 2013.

“I’m going to rewrite the laws of Broadway.” --Mitchell Maxwell, AKA King of the Flops, producer of numerous bombs, known for roping in numerous dentists to back his shows. 

Historical Line of the Moment: “This is not a job...:

“This is not a job. This is a hostage crisis"...a reference to the long hours worked at the old WWF theater in the Paramount on West 43rd Street.

Symptoms of When a Show is Going Down

A show is going down when:

--workcalls are canceled

--actors are hired because they fit costumes.

--producers stop paying rentals/royalties

--producer pep talk occurs

--soundmen are not allowed to order batteries.

Advice of the Night: “Where’s Vito?

“Where’s Vito? He went behind the scenery with a piece of wood.”--what to tell management if they are looking for a particular stagehand.
Alternative line--"He went up to the grid with a C-wrench."

Broadway Light Bulb Jokes

How many designers does it take to change a light bulb? What do you think?

How many directors does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a light bulb?

How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb? (Holds hand right in your face) Can’t talk now!

Term of the Night: permanent borrowing

permanent borrowing--when something disappears in the theater, a sarcastic term for acknowledging theft, or maybe the carelessness of someone walking off with tape, Velcro or a hand tool and not returning it.

Term of the Day: "I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"

"I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"--Jerry Lewis, when he was at "Damn Yankees" in 1995, told his dresser, "I'll turn you into a hood ornament" when he was dissatisfied with something, meaning that he'd run him down with a car. I think that must have come from Jerry's years in Las Vegas.

Term of the Day: "Fire in the hole!"

"Fire in the hole!"--warning that pyro will be tested during the evening or matinee checkout. I think it is an old mining term.

Term of the Day: donkey/narrowback

donkey/narrowback--Irish immigrant/Irish American ...narrowbacks have much less muscular backs from less hard work. A donkey is a worker used to hard labor. For me, this comes from the Irish influences of Local #1.

Term of the Day: cut list

cut list--stagehands producers want to cut after opening, also a list a carpenter draws up

Term of the Day: crossing departmental lines

crossing departmental lines--doing work in other departments, breaking down conditions.

Term of the Night: corpse face

corpse face--tight bitter scowl with eyes at half mast.

Term of the Day: counting the house

counting the house--Looking out into the house surreptitiously, to estimate the box office success of the show.

Term of the Day: "clear for talent"

"clear for talent"--sarcastic and usually friendly term used when actors are walking through a group of stagehands.

Term of the Day: broken stud=shovel

broken stud=shovel...”If you break a stud while working on the seats, you are out. You’ll be digging ditches.”

Term of the Day: broom up my ass

broom up my ass--a statement of exasperation..."If you want me to work any harder, I could stick a broom up my ass and sweep while working." I once faced down a psychotic tech with this line and it worked. What do you say in response? "I'll get the broom."

Term of the Day: orphan

orphan--stagehand with no family affiliations, has to make his/her own way in the business, or anyone in a particular local that has no relatives in that local.

Term of the Day: diggers

diggers--people who buy large blocks of tickets for ticket resellers when hot new shows start selling tickets. "The box office treasurer limited sales to 10 tickets a day per person, to try to thwart the diggers who buy large blocks of tickets for ticket resellers. "They buy weekend and holiday tickets," she said. "They are digging out the show."

Term of the Day: heavy hitters

heavy hitters--men who make a lot of money, techs, heads

Term of the Day: hang out

hang out--wait for orders where you are

Term of the Day: daily rant

daily rant--daily outburst by difficult stagehands, sometimes necessary at the start of the day. 

 

Term of the Day: “coke the stage”

“coke the stage”--to put Coca-Cola on a slippery deck (adding a small amount of Coke to a mop bucket). Also, propmen will use the liquid rosin mixture called "Slip No More." Sometimes the deck becomes too sticky after mopping with Coke.

Term of the Day: chewing the scenery

chewing the scenery--overacting. See also: "tooth-marks on the scenery."

Term of the Day: brick in the wall

brick in the wall--to ignore existence of another person in the theater (“From now on, he’s another brick in the wall,” said the head carpenter, of a rude PSM)

Term of the Day: brain surgery

brain surgery--"It's not brain surgery"...The work is easy. "It's not brain surgery; it is more like rocket science."

Term of the Day: the long knives are out

the long knives are out--an imminent, quick and brutal end. "After the psychotic soundman turned on the electrician who had protected him, the long knives were out and he was gone before week's end.

Term of the Day: fade into the woodwork

fade into the woodwork--to not be noticed, by design

 

Term of the Day: dummy up

dummy up--keep quiet, often when management is around

Term of the Day: divot

divot--cut on the head

Term of the Day: to get dinged

to get dinged--to get hit, usually on the head

Term of the Day: cluster fuck

cluster fuck--things are all screwed up, boxed in, big disaster

Term of the Day: "catch of the day"

"catch of the day"--when a head hires different extra men and women on different days of a load in, with varying skill levels, so there is no consistency. The poor contract head doesn't know what he or she is going to get.

Terms of the Day: street meats, dirty-water dogs and dollar pizza

street meats, dirty-water dogs and dollar pizza-- how underpaid Local #1 apprentices survive. Street meats are chicken or beef kabobs grilled on the street (tasty but may be dangerous to the GI tract) and dirty-water dogs are hotdogs

Term of the Day: yenta

yenta--a gossip, a blabbermouth. From the matchmaker character in "Fiddler on the Roof."

Term of the Day: put someone over the barrel

put someone over the barrel--to control the situation, to offer someone no choice. "When they come to me desperate for someone to do the tour, I am going to put them over the barrel and get a weekly." To be over a barrel is the opposite, where you have no control.

Term of the Day: full pop

full pop--full price

Term of the Day: optics

optics-- how things look, how things are perceived, especially by management. "Don't have all your guys work in the basement. Send several people to work on the deck, so the techs see that work is being done."

Term of the Day: kemosabe

kemosabe--faithful friend, from a corrupted Native American word used in the Lone Ranger films. May also mean "he who peeks."

Term of the Day: audience plant

audience plant--in the old days, stars had the right to have a certain number of “plants” in the audience to encourage laughter (may be myth)

Term of the Day: ACT Card

ACT Card--Associated Crafts and Technician card. It is a backdoor way to join IATSE. If you are given a job offer and the IA approves, you get an ACT card and can hold pink contracts. Usually, a stagehand holding an ACT card will apply to another local, to cover his or her pedigree.

Term of the Day: above my pay grade

above my pay grade--indicating you are not qualified to make a decision, deferring a difficult or embarrassing decision to the bosses above you. Washing your hands of a matter.

Term of the Day: ten stories on repeat

 ten stories on repeat--when a stagehand tells the same 10 stories about him/herself over and over again. A precursor to anecdotage.

Term of the Night: injured reserve list

injured reserve list--when half the stagehands in a department claim (or exaggerate) injuries (back, neck, wrist, etc.) that prevent them from unloading trucks during a load in. "Five of the guys in the prop department were on the injured reserve list at 'Dracula,' so that left three of us to unload the steel."

Term of the Night: Happy Valley

Happy Valley--theater or TV studio where the stagehands and actors, and even stage managers get along. The opposite of the places like the House of Hate. Can be sarcastic, as well.

Term of the Night: "Having fun and making money"

"Having fun and making money"--another good sarcastic line when there is chaos at the theater. Nothing rankles your enemies more than being happy and unflappable.

Term of the Day: "Good manners in the sandbox"

"Good manners in the sandbox"-- all departments have to work together and behave. May be said when there is a history of bad blood between different heads. See also: "Hey, we all have to play in this sandbox."

Term of the Day: charm offensive

charm offensive--when a difficult stagehand all of a sudden starts cozying up to different people in the theater, having a change in attitude with dark motives behind it. "The stagehand realized he was on the cusp of being fired, so he went on a charm offensive in the theater." Charm offensives rarely last long.

Term of the Day: manna from the heavens

manna from the heavens--an unexpected job. From the Old Testament reference. "My show closed and I had no prospects. The sudden opening on the prop crew at the Wintergarden was like manna from the heavens."

Term of the Day: long in the tooth

long in the tooth--a little too old, too old to be a chorine or ingenue

Term of the Day: line through your name

line through your name--to lose a contact, to cross a name off the list, a head intentionally crosses your name off his hiring list... “I just put a line through your name.”

Term of the Night: "no" votes

"no" votes-- when stagehands are voted into Local #1 after making the three years of card time, the number of "no" votes a stagehand receives indicates how well they or their father (or, now, mother) is liked. A large number of "no" votes means you or your parent is disliked by many Onesy voters.

Term of the Night--not in the cards

not in the cards--not going to happen. A reference to Tarot cards and fortune telling. "I thought I was going to get a spot on the show, but it was not in the cards.

Term of the Night: "Forever came"

"Forever came"--the end of "Cats." The 18-year musical "Cats" had the motto, "Now and forever." At the loadout, some stagehand wag noted, "Forever came." 

Term of the Day: “Diva Las Vegas”

 “Diva Las Vegas”—pejorative term applied by a wardrobe supervisor to a female lead with a long list of complaints. 

Overheard Stagehand Line #20: "He's the best mechanic..."

"He's the best mechanic on Broadway, just ask him."

Term of the Day: cracking the code

cracking the code--figuring out a solution to an ongoing problem.

“beat the clock” mentality

“beat the clock” mentality--to do everything as quickly as possible, possibly making unnecessary errors.

Term of the Day: alta kaka

alta kaka--old timer, old person. (Yiddish) Can be used to refer to the blue-hair matinee patrons or old stagehands. "The carpenter is an alta kaka...he was in Local #1 before we had an annuity."

Grim Hell's Kitchen Historical Moment: Minnesota strip

Minnesota strip--the blocks near the Port Authority bus station on 8th Avenue in the bad old days in the 1960's and 1970's, where underage hookers would ply their trade. Many of the girls were runaways from the Midwest, especially Minnesota, thus the name.

Term of the Day: good Rolodex

 good Rolodex--a boss who has a long hiring list of the good stagehands, who has access to and hires good people. A Rolodex is the archaic card index that businesspeople had on their desks for many decades.  "That head has a good Rolodex of mechanics and builders."  Also: "I've got your name in my Rolodex."

Term of the Day: God's gift to chorus girls

God's gift to chorus girls--several older stagehands on Broadway, with an inflated sense of their sex appeal to young dancers.

Term of the Day: to give props

to give props-- respect, proper respect, respect that is due, a compliment. "I have to give you props for that beautiful dance number you choreographed." "Give him his props...he's a head of department."

Term of the Day: break your shovel

break your shovel--destroy contact, lose job

Term of the Day: bringing him/her along

bringing him/her along--to mentor or help a young stagehand, to bring up to speed

Term of the Day: brick in the wall

brick in the wall--to ignore existence of another person in the theater (“From now on, he’s another brick in the wall,” said the head carpenter, of a rude PSM)

Term of the Day: good soldier

good soldier--follows orders, keeps mouth shut, does his/her work as fast as he can. "I want to recommend a guy to you...he's a good soldier."

Term of the Day: fluffer

fluffer--prop person who is skilled with fabric goods (drapes, pillows and bedspreads). Has different meaning in porn world.

Term of the Day: exit preset

exit preset--when you get your bag and coat ready so you can run out the door to make a bus or train

Term of the Day: dummy proof

dummy proof--to mark something or to arrange a preset so that even the dumbest stagehand will get it right.

Term of the Day: counting the house

counting the house--Looking out into the house surreptitiously, to estimate the box office success of the show.

Term of the Day: chewing the scenery

chewing the scenery--overacting. See also: "tooth-marks on the scenery."

Term of the Day: bond

bond--producers must post bond to cover salaries and liabilities in case of sudden closure.

Term of the Day: between hangovers

between hangovers--sarcastic comment about a stagehand with a drinking problem. "He's a good head if you catch him between hangovers."

Term of the Day: above my pay grade

above my pay grade--indicating you are not qualified to make a decision, deferring a difficult or embarrassing decision to the bosses above you. Washing your hands of a matter.

Term of the Night: straight from Central Casting

straight from Central Casting--when an actor or crew member conforms to a Broadway stereotype. "The new dancer was a Texas redhead straight from Central Casting." The Central Casting Bureau was an extras casting agency set up by the Hollywood studios in the 1920's as a resource to find extras and as a way to control them and their wages.

Term of the Day: "You can't break iron"

"You can't break iron"--When asked how he was recovering from an injury incurred when somebody pushed a roadbox on him, the stagehand, who survived the horrors of Vietnam combat, said with deadpan intensity, "You can't break iron."

Overheard Stagehand Line #19: “The road don’t count.”

“The road don’t count.”--stagehand explanation for out-of-town infidelity.