Profane Term of the Day: 10-pounds of shit in a 1-pound bag

10 pounds of shit in a 1-pound bag--when a small theater is stuffed to the gills with too much scenery, too much gak.

Term of the Day: “I got it, Mr. Feller”

“I got it, Mr. Feller”--sarcastic, brown-nosing line using name of late, famous tech. You can say it when you are finished first, before the other stagehands.

Nickname of the Day: The Illustrated Propman

The Illustrated Propman--young, earnest and nebbishy road propman for a big dance company who has out-of-character full-sleeve tattoos. 

Term of the Day: honey badger

honey badger--a stagehand who rips stuff apart without consideration, fear or skill...taken from the classic YouTube video (from D. Chisholm, San Francisco)

Term of the Day: hit with a rolled up newspaper on the nose

hit with a rolled up newspaper on the nose--when you are reprimanded by your boss

Term of the Day: "He had handles on his back"

"He had handles on his back"--noticing an obvious candidate to be thrown under the bus.

Tem of the Day: good soldier

good soldier--follows orders, keeps mouth shut, does his/her work as fast as he can. "I want to recommend a guy to you...he's a good soldier."

Tool of the Day: ginsu

ginsu--an expensive, two-sided Japanese saw, where the name comes from old knife infomercial where they cut through an aluminum can with the knife.

Term of the Day: flop sweat

flop sweat: when producers start to freak out during production or previews that they may have a flop on their hands, so the creatives are directed to make radical changes, adding or cutting songs and monkeying with the book. Sometimes the freak out is justified and the show is saved, and other times the cuts or additions damage the living organism. "The producer broke into a flop sweat that the show was going to bomb and demanded radical changes to the finale." (term from Patrick Healy, New York Times, April 17, 2014)

Term of the Day: clown hammer

clown hammer--large orange hard plastic sledgehammer used for banging deck pieces together. Can be short-handled five-pounder, as well. These hammers don't ding the things they hit.

Term of the Day: Chicken Little

Chicken Little--a doom-and-gloom stagehand, always sees the sky as falling, can rip the silver-lining out of every cloud.

Term of the Day: Butcher of Broadway

Butcher of Broadway--Frank Rich, Times theater critic known for erudite, self-indulgent reviews and for savaging shows in the 1980s and early 1990s.

Term of the Day: "This is a show-and-tell situation"

"This is a show-and-tell situation"--after an accident or where something is damaged, come over here and look at it. I can't really describe it to you. In most cases, it is bad.

Expression of the Day: "I don't know. I'm not paid to know"

"I don't know. I'm not paid to know"-- the ultimate Indian response...I'm just doing what I'm told to do, I don't have any answers.

Term of the Night: bird-dog someone

bird-dog someone--to harass a coworker, usually maliciously.

Term of the Day: proud of his temper

proud of his temper--combative stagehand, willing to fight. "He was a bit too proud of his temper. It made it hard for him to get work."

Term of the Day: "I don't know. I'm not paid to know"

"I don't know. I'm not paid to know"-- the ultimate Indian response...I'm just doing what I'm told to do, I don't have any answers.

Term of the Day: "I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"

"I'll turn you into a hood ornament!"--Jerry Lewis, when he was at "Damn Yankees" in 1995, told his dresser, "I'll turn you into a hood ornament" once when he was dissatisfied with something, meaning that he'd run him down with a car. I think that must have come from Jerry's years in Las Vegas.

Term of the Day: Hollywood sober

Hollywood sober--where someone has given up the hard drugs like coke and heroin, but smokes a lot of reefer to make up for it.

Term of the Day: hard-soft rule

hard-soft rule-- a rule that is on the books, but that is rarely enforced by management.

Term of the Day: Happy Valley

Happy Valley--theater or TV studio where the stagehands and actors, and even stage managers get along. The opposite of the places like the House of Hate. Can be sarcastic, as well.

Term of the Day: good government job

good government job--job on a long-running show. Dependable pay, like the post office or some other civil service job. "Working on 'Phantom' is a good government job."

Term of the Day: "Good manners in the sandbox"

"Good manners in the sandbox"-- all departments have to work together and behave. May be said when there is a history of bad blood between different heads. See also: "Hey, we all have to play in this sandbox."

Term of the Day: get it on the load out

get it on the load out--when a prop, a flashlight or an important piece of hardware rolls under the show deck, it is often impossible to retrieve. Someone will say, "We'll get it on the loadout,"  meaning the item will be retrieved then, or possibly never.

Term of the Day: garden-variety asshole

garden-variety asshole--difficult stagehand with no power.

Term of the Day: fugazi

fugazi--Italian Mafia slang for a fake item, or a phony. 

Term of the Day: Don't show your teeth until you have to

Don't show your teeth until you have to--controlling signs of aggression in a confrontation or in a negotiation.

Term of the Day: dinner theater

dinner theater--productions done at the Roundabout Theatre or Manhattan Theatre Club, known for their low rates. "This is real theater, not dinner theater."

Term of the Day: dim the lights on Broadway

dim the lights on Broadway--when a famous actor or director dies, someone of a Helen Hayes stature, the marquee lights on Broadway are dimmed. To be precise, the marquees of all open theaters are turned off for one minute, from 8:00 p.m. to 8:01 p.m., for the marquees are not on dimmers.

Term of the Day: day work

day work--work done by wardrobe members to maintain a show, mending costumes, ironing and more ironing. Also, for stagehands who have a regular show on Broadway, day work means working at other theaters, loading in other shows.

Term of the Day: “beat the clock” mentality

“beat the clock” mentality--to do everything as quickly as possible, possibly making unnecessary errors.

Term of the Day: animal

animal--stagehand who uses brute force to great or disastrous effect. Can be an expression of admiration or a derogatory term. "He was an animal...he picked up the jammed wagon out of the track and pulled it offstage."

Term of the Day: anecdotage

anecdotage--nonmedical explanation for the condition of an older stagehand who tells the same five stories over and over again, usually with him/her as the hero/heroine of the story or airing old grievances, often with most people in the story dead or retired.

Term of the Day: And what, quit show business?

And what, quit show business?--the punchline to the old elephant joke. To be said when doing a really disgusting task.

Term of the Day: 20-foot rule

20-foot rule--when an actor or stage manager points out a flaw on a prop standing two feet away from it, you can say, "Hey, use the 20-foot rule," where the first row of the orchestra actually is.

Term of the Night: constant panic mode

constant panic mode--always in crisis, usually unnecessary.  "The SM was in constant panic mode, unable to differentiate between a real emergency and small problems."

Term of the Day: crash-and-burn

crash-and-burn--major automation screw up or failure, probably causing a chain reaction

Term of the Day: collateral damage

collateral damage--unintended victims. "When the head was fired and replaced, his regular stagehands never worked in that theater again. They were collateral damage to regime change."

Term of the Day: chewing the scenery

chewing the scenery--overacting. See also: "tooth-marks on the scenery."

Term of the Night: "clear for talent"

"clear for talent"--sarcastic and usually friendly term used when actors are walking through a group of stagehands.

Term of the Day: can’t get arrested

can’t get arrested--hard time getting hired

From the Pit: "You took the gig--shut up and play"

"You took the gig--shut up and play"--a musician friend told me that sometimes you have to be blunt with whiny fellow musicians...stop complaining about the quality of the conductor or your other bandmates and just play your book.

The Limits of Hospitality: "You're welcome as a guest, but I don't need a roommate"

"You're welcome as a guest, but I don't need a roommate"--a crusty old house carpenter said this to a roadman who was trying to move into his office for the run-of-show. The roadman then built a primitive office for himself in the basement.

Term of the Day: "You're killing me"

"You're killing me"--exasperated line when somebody gets in your way constantly or is blocking your worksite on stage with scenery or props. The proper response: "If only it were true."

Term of the Day: jumping the shark

jumping the shark--a  stunt or stunt casting to save a tired Broadway show. Comes from the last season of "Happy Days," where Fonzi was going to jump a shark tank on his motorcycle.

Term of the Day: to tank

to tank--to fail miserably, to bomb, especially at the box office. "The straight play 'Prymate' failed miserably at the box office in 2004, with 8 percent ticket sales at the end."

Term of the Night: soft hands

soft hands--stagehand pretending to work hard, especially when lifting a heavy object with other stagehands. Can be accompanied by WWF-type expressions when pretending to help lift things.

Term of the Night: "Smile when you stick the knife in"

"Smile when you stick the knife in"--sometimes getting revenge can be BOTH business and pleasure.

Term of the Night: sins of the father

sins of the father--depriving a young stagehand of work or blackballing him/her because you can't stand his/her father. "When it was time for the young stagehand to be voted into the local, he got a large number of 'no' votes. A lot of old timers didn't like his father. It wasn't personal against the kid...it was a case of the sins of the father."

Term of the Night: (the) shape up, shaping, shape the hall

(the) shape up, shaping, shape the hall--look for work (longshoreman’s term, lit. showing up to show you are in shape). Before most last-minute replacement work was routed through the union hall, men would show up to the theater with their tools, shaping the load in or loadout to look for work. Shape the hall means to go to the replacement room to wait for possible work.

Smart-Ass Line of the Night: pull it out of my ass

pull it out of my ass--when a director or PSM makes a ludicrous request--"Can you get me a taxidermied rabbit by tomorrow?", you can reply brightly, "Let me pull one out of my ass." Line may result in job termination.

Advice of the Night: "You can tell the stories, just don't use the names"

 "You can tell the stories, just don't use the names"--Many years ago in the replacement room, some younger stagehands were telling stagehand stories. An older stagehand, a card guy who had broken too many shovels in his career, interrupted and said, "You can tell the stories, just don't use the names."

Term of the Night: paper

paper--comp tickets. ”They papered the house.” Standard practice during previews and when reviewers are in, but a very bad sign during a normal run. See: producers’ pep talk

Pugilistic Term of the Night: one-punch artist

one-punch artist-- a stagehand who can knock another stagehand down with one punch. There is a very famous story behind this one, involving a Christmas House coming offstage and chicklets punched out on deck, but it is better as an oral legend.

Term of the Night: (to be) elevated

(to be) elevated--when a Broadway head proves him/herself at a small house, they may be elevated to a more lucrative, larger theater

Term of the Day: dry waterboarding

dry waterboarding--an incredibly boring job, where there is not enough work to keep busy. Several years ago, we were standing around at the 69th Street Armory, trying to look busy. In the prop department, we would run out of work often, for we had to wait for the props to arrive from England for the big Shakespeare festival. As we kept sweeping and re-sweeping the already clean parade floor, an old timer said, "This is like dry waterboarding."  

Term of the Day: conversational headlock

conversational headlock--when a co-worker talks too much and won't let you get a word in. "Working with Jimmy is like being in a conversational headlock all day."

Term of the Night: cheap it out

cheap it out (v.): to use cheap, inappropriate materials when building scenery. "The shop used pine when building the deck instead of a hardwood...they cheaped it out."

Term of the Night: catch of the day

"catch of the day"--when a head hires different extra men and women on different days of a load in, with varying skill levels, so there is no consistency. The poor contract head doesn't know what he or she is going to get.

Term of the Night: “Watch your cruller”

“Watch your cruller”--pipe coming in, something heavy overhead...for those who live under rocks, a cruller is a doughnut.

Term of the Day: working my last good nerve

working my last good nerve--annoying someone. "You are working my last good nerve." (a line often used by the late and very talented Sal Sclafani, longtime roadman and House Propman at the Hirschfeld Theatre)