Term of the Night: the usual suspects

(the) usual suspects--stagehands you'd expect to see at a load in, working for a particular head. "At the load in, who did you see working in Electrics? Oh, the usual suspects." Taken from the 1995 Kevin Spacey movie.

Term of the Night: pull it out of my ass

pull it out of my ass--when a director or PSM makes a ludicrous request--"Can you get me a taxidermied rabbit by tomorrow?", you can reply brightly, "Let me pull one out of my ass." Line may result in job termination.

Term of the Night: perfect load-in weather

perfect load-in weather--it is inevitable that it will snow or there will be a hurricane when you are loading a show in or out. "Ah, perfect load-in weather," you can say sarcastically when the rain is coming down in buckets.

Term of the Night: ride it down to the bottom

ride it down to the bottom--when you stay on a show 'til the bitter end. "A friend stayed on 'Spamalot' 'til the end of the run, riding it down to the bottom."

Term of the Night: name over the title

name over the title--star's name over the title. If star is out, customers can get their money back.

Term of the Night: pure stagehandese

pure stagehandese--stagehand slang, a stagehand who is conversant in the slang used by Local #1 stagehands. Often generational stagehands, whose fathers or grandfathers were in Local #1. I find that many stagehands under 50 don't understand what a busted valise is. "One of the extra men in the carpentry department speaks the purest stagehandese I have ever heard."

Words of Wisdom: "If I can't fix it with a hammer..."

"If I can't fix it with a hammer, it must be an electrical problem."

Term of the Day: piece of work

piece of work--difficult person

Term of the Day: dance card

dance card--availability for employment. "Sorry, I can't work tomorrow. My dance card is full for  the whole load-in season." At 19th century balls, young women would wear a small card on their wrist and would write down the names of admirers who wanted to dance with them.

Term of the Day: up-and-comer

 up-and-comer--young stagehand making a name for him or herself. "Ted is an up-and-comer. He is in demand as a Broadway carpenter."

Term of the Night: good-enough stiff

good-enough stiff--a stiff good enough to sub, but not good enough or connected enough to take a full-time job on Broadway.

Term of the Day: little ears

little ears--when a child is present in the theater. "Cut your language, there are little ears backstage."

Term of the Night: no driver on this bus

no driver on this bus--when the tech refuses to make a decision on repairs and the production carpenter won't step in, someone might say, "Seems like there is no driver on this bus." When no one in positions of responsibility at a show seems willing to make hard choices.

Term of the Day: "It's good to be the King."

"It's good to be the King"--sarcastic line that could be said by a Broadway head. Taken from the line in Mel Brooks' movie "History of the World, Part I." Or, for the modern times, "It's good to be the Queen."

Term of the Day: Miss Congeniality

Miss Congeniality-- stagehand who comes close several or many times for a head's job with one of the theater chains, but loses out to someone else. From the consolation title at beauty pageants. "They filled the job at the Cort. I guess I am Miss Congeniality again."

Term of the Day: Broadway adjacent

Broadway adjacent--what an actor might say if they are working at one of the off-Broadway theaters near the Theatre District, like the Laura Pels on 46th and 6th, and the Second Stage Theatre on 43rd and 8th, in the glorious old bank building.

Term of the Day: underminer

underminer--stagehand who will undermine other members of the crew for personal advancement or because he/she can't help him or herself.

Term of the Day: You want some cheese with that whine?

You want some cheese with that whine? Something good to say to that eternally whiny stagehand.

Term of the Day: Local #1 karma

Local #1 karma--when bad things happen on the job, related to the job. "A bad-seed Local #1 brother stole my phone charger at a load-in. I heard he got hit by a bus a few weeks later while talking on his own phone while stepping off the curb outside the Garden. I think that is Local #1 karma. I heard his legal settlement was tiny."

Term of the Day: to yammer

to yammer, yammer on--to speak in an annoying, nonstop manner, unaware that your audience may have stopped listening.

Term of the Day: "I want five flops a year."

 "I want five flops a year"--said by one of the last heads at the Old Helen Hayes, which was torn down in 1982 to build the office tower that includes the Minskoff Theatre. With flops, you still get the big overtime of the load-ins, but when the show closes prematurely, you get time off.

Term of the Day: a unicorn

a unicorn--a rare occurrence, so rare it's like a dream. "Some early investors at 'Jersey Boys' earned 22 times their initial investment. That show was really a unicorn." (Paraphrase from the New York Times piece on "Jersey Boys" investors,  January 15, 2017. "Jersey Boys" ran for 12 years and earned $2 billion worldwide.)

Term of the Day: make your bed, set it on fire, lay down on it

make your bed, set it on fire, lay down on it--sometimes people destroy themselves in spectacular ways

Term of the Day: nails on a chalkboard

nails on a chalkboard--annoying voice or personality. "The young stage manager had a voice that was like nails on a chalkboard."

Overheard Stagehand Line #13: "All I'm trying to do..."

BELOVED ELECTRICIAN ON THE CUSP OF RETIREMENT: "All I'm trying to do is get out of this theater without going feet first."

Overheard Stagehand Line #12: "A lot of guys have gone nuts after watching TV ..."

"A lot of guys have gone nuts after watching TV in the basement for years"...said of the stagehand condition, especially on long-running shows.

Term of the Night: lurgy

lurgy--British/Australian slang for an unspecified illness, possibly a fictional illness, that travels around small communities like the backstage of a theater, often referred to as the "dreaded lurgy."

Term of the Day: ten stories on repeat

 ten stories on repeat--when a stagehand tells the same 10 stories about him/herself over and over again. A precursor to anecdotage.

Term of the Day: asshole move

asshole move--when one department in a theater intentionally blocks another department from getting their work done.

Term of the Day: shush Nazi, shush police

shush Nazi, shush police--overaggressive stage managers, who shush people backstage or in the basement. Sometimes the voices they hear are just in their heads.

Term of the Night: deaf and dumb (D & D)

deaf and dumb (D & D)-- an old longshoreman's term. "He's deaf and dumb, he didn't hear anything and can't say anything about it."

Term of the Night: to go souveniring

to go souveniring--when small props, pieces of perishable props or even small scenic details are stolen by the audience after the show. Sometimes small props that are on the apron of the stage or that fall into the orchestra seats at the end of the show are taken by audience members. "I worked 'A  Behanding in Spokane.' When our expensive, hand-crafted rubber hands would bounce in the audience, audience members would try to take them home. I saw it as theft. They saw it as going souveniring."

Term of the Day: cup of rage

cup of rage-- anger from the morning onward. "I sometimes thinks he drinks a cup of rage before he comes to work."

Term of the Day: fools rush in

 fools rush in--a reference to small-time Broadway investors. (a lyric from the  1940 song by Johnny Mercer)