Term of the Day: "Do you want a gold star?"

"Do you want a gold star?"-- sarcastic line when a stagehand is boasting of a repair he or she made, or how great a project turned out. Or: "I am out of gold stars."

Term of the Night: to 'Beau' a stagehand

to 'Beau' a stagehand-- when a stagehand refuses to leave a job they are stiffing and for revenge by the head, he or she is stripped of all extras, including presets, rehearsals, work calls and special events. Term comes from an annoying stagehand named Beau, who refused to leave a mega-hit Broadway show when the original stagehand who held the position asked to come back. He kept the job for several years until the show moved to another theater, but never earned another extra penny.

Famous Stagehands in History #2: Barrymore Theatre Carpenter, 1949

In 1949, Marlon Brando was the toast of Broadway in Tennessee Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire" at the Barrymore Theatre. Now Brando fancied himself a boxer. The head carpenter of the Barrymore, whose name I have not found, really was a boxer. The men would spar in the boiler room at the Barrymore, and finally the carpenter broke Brando's nose, damaging his pretty-boy looks. Brando did not have his nose repaired. This story was in his memoir "Songs My Mother Taught Me."

Stagehands I Have Known #2: The Man from Paco Rabonne

The Man from Paco Rabonne--mean old carpenter who wore too much cheap cologne. Now retired.

Legendary Stagehands #3: Tommy A-Flat

Tommy A-Flat-stagehand who once fell into an orchestra pit, crushed a cello and survived with minor injuries. The nickname "Tommy A-Flat" stayed with him for the rest of his career

Term of the Day: to dirty someone up

to dirty someone up--to savage a person's reputation, by telling stories that are real or fictional about them on the street.

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #48: "Get my name out of your fucking mouth"

Head #1: (Tantruming) "Get my name out of your fucking mouth."

Head #2: (Warm, sadistic smile) "Your shitty name stays in my mouth until hell freezes over."

Term of the Day: rope line

rope line--barricade outside a stage door that allows fans to ask for autographs from a Broadway actor while providing a measure of crowd control. Originally was a rope, but is usually a metal barrier set up by theater security.

Term of the Day: a trouser role

a trouser role--where an actress is dressed in male clothes and plays a male character. Also known as a pants role or a breeches role. Often done in the opera, to have a woman play a young man or boy, to sing soprano. 

Overheard Stagehand Line #45: twisting the knife

"I didn't stab that nasty old carpenter in the back, but the next time I see him, I will gladly twist the knife."

Term of the Day: "...the gayest tribute: a Broadway musical!"

"Tammy Faye Bakker...is getting the gayest tribute a person can have: a Broadway musical!" New York Times, November 19, 2024. A feature on "Tammy Faye," a musical written by Elton John about the evangelical preacher and gay icon Tammy Faye Bakker. Due to lukewarm reviews and poor ticket sales, the show posted its closing notice the same day the Times feature came out.

Term of the Day: mean girls on Broadway

mean girls on Broadway-- life never transcends high school. There is a middle-aged woman stagehand who routinely attacks other women and young male stagehands. "The woman stagehand attacked another woman for wearing red lipstick to a load-in. It seems like a case of mean girls on Broadway." Should be used with both sexes.

Overhead Stagehand Line #46: "intelligence is not a family trait"

"Watch that young head...though intelligence is not a family trait, he is cunning and deadly."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #49: "It's like eating dinner with a serial killer"

Stagehand #1: "Why aren't you friendly with that tech?"

Stagehand #2: "It's like eating dinner with a serial killer. Nothing good is going to come of it."

Expression of the Night: quick to push the HR button

quick to push the HR button--when a stagehand is quick to claim harassment or a hostile work environment, real and imagined. "Don't get left alone with that young propwoman...she's very quick to push the HR button. You'll be up in the office  before you know it."

Term of the Night: to be on the fritz, to fritz out

to be on the fritz--malfunctioning or broken machinery. "The automation lift is on the fritz." to fritz out--to throw a tantrum, to have a volatile response. "The old head fritzed out over the late coffee delivery."

Term of the Day--a dog show

a dog show--a doomed show put in a Broadway theater by ambitious producers. Dog shows are usually put in dog houses, which are Broadway theaters east of 7th Avenue.

Term of the Day: Cl-opening

Cl-opening--when a show opens and then posts notice on or around opening night.  "In 2008, at the Circle in the Square Theatre, the show 'Glory Days' posted notice on its Opening Night that they were closing. It was the rare Broadway phenomenon of the Cl-opening."

Term of the Day: Performative rage

performative rage-- when a tech or head can turn on rage and  a torrent of verbal abuse to cow an underling. Often, they turn this rage off, like flipping a switch, without any visible effect to themselves.

Expression of the Day: "If you don't have anything..."

 "If you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me during break"--regarding the average stagehand's love of gossip.

Expression of the Day: the screwing is inevitable

the screwing is inevitable--when a stagehand has a reputation of always screwing people over. "I am glad you got a job on that show, but watch that head. The screwing is inevitable."

"When you become a head, your true personality comes out"

"She was the nicest contract electrician on Broadway. When she got a house head's job, her whole manner changed. She is now full of piss, rage and imaginary grievances. When you become a head, your true personality comes out." "Sometimes your personality remains the same...he was a douchebag contract carpenter who yelled at his men all the time. As a house head, he does the same."

Expression of the Night: "Hostile work environments are like toxic mold"

"Hostile work environments are like toxic mold, very hard to get rid of. Even when the heads change, the abusive environment and traditions in certain theaters remain."

Term of the Day: second locationing

second locationing--when stagehands go to a second bar or an after party. A takeoff on a second location film crew and used as a verb. "Are we second locationing?" said one young stagehand to another, after the cast party was petering out, indicating more drinking was going to happen at another bar.

Term of the night: Theater of Lost Stagehands

  Theater of Lost Stagehands--music venue famed for hiring busted-valise stagehands.

Term of the Night: pre-load-in death rattle

pre-load-in death rattle--when a major investor pulls out just as a show is loading in, stagehands can hear the "pre-load-in death rattle" of a musical or a straight play. A recent big musical involving love and robots delayed spotting by four weeks. The load-in has since commenced.

Some recent shows have died in the middle of the load-in. The load-in stopped for "Nerds" when the head carpenter said, "Guys, leave the new flat on the truck." "My Son's a Queer," a British transfer, was stopped mid-load-in in the winter of 2024 at the Lyceum. The loadout started that afternoon.

Expression of the Day: smug rummy

smug rummy-- alcoholic who perceives him or herself as a beacon of moral righteousness,  often given to loud pronouncements about the stage business and judgments on other stagehands.

Overheard Stagehand Line #52: "Nothing more sad than a failed power move"

Two extra stagehands tried to force their head to change his hiring practices. In response, the old head flayed them alive. There is nothing more sad than a failed power move.

Overhead Stagehand Line #53: Matching drinking problems

"I stopped hiring that guy. He and his wife have matching drinking problems. Trouble at work and trouble at home."

Term of the Night: scut work, scut job

scut work, scut job--tedious, dirty work, often given to the youngest stagehand on the crew. "The young stagehand was given the scut job of cleaning old adhesive off the ramp with a heat gun and a spackle knife.

Term of the Day: to flay him alive

to flay him alive-- to torture someone mercilessly, to whip the skin off their body. "That contract propman is a real pest, crossing departmental lines and breaking theater norms. I know a house propman who will flay him alive if that contract man winds up in his theater. I hope they meet." 

Term of the Day: equity lights

equity lights-- work lights that stage managers are allowed to turn on during work-light rehearsals, by agreement with the house electrician. A work-light rehearsal is a rehearsal with no props, no use of scenery, just a bare stage. No stagehands are present.

Overheard Interdepartmental Dialogue #51: "I give you this gift"

STAGEHAND (WHOSE DRESSER WIFE IS LEAVING HIM): "You are leaving me and taking the baby???"

DRESSER: "Yes, now you can hang out with your stagehand drinking buddies and complain about your ex-wife. I give you this gift."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #50: "My wife doesn't even have my number"

ANNOYING STAGEHAND LOOKING FOR WORK (TO HEAD): "Here's my number. Can I get your's, so I can text you?"

HEAD: "Ooh, sorry, my wife doesn't even have my number." 

Term of the Day: kissing George M. Cohan

kissing George M. Cohan-- a rite of passage for new Broadway actors, you kiss the statue of George M. Cohan in Times Square when you get your first job. A young actress, who has starred in "School of Rock," "Here Lies Love" and "Suffs," said that after she kissed George, she thought of the years of pigeon shit and smeared Purell all over her lips. See also: George M. Cohan's back pocket.

Term of the Night: honeypot

honeypot--a woman used to put other women at ease, or a sex-linked trap. "During his 30-year career of raping and molesting actresses, the movie producer Harvey Weinstein used honeypots, usually a woman assistant, to lull the actress into a sense of security, so she would go to the hotel room alone, to be assaulted by Weinstein." A honeypot is also a female spy who seduces a diplomat or other foreign official with sex, to gain state secrets.

Term of the Day: bad TV habits on Broadway

bad TV habits on Broadway--when despite the big pay bump of coming to Broadway, a TV commando sticks to her bad TV habits. "Desperate for labor, I hired a TV commando. She was obsessed with breaks, worked slowly and disappeared on occasion. On her first day, she barked orders at older stagehands and her attitude was sullen. I guess she brought bad TV habits to Broadway."

Term of the Night: strangling the golden goose

strangling the golden goose--when a stagehand makes a concerted effort to destroy his/her cushy job, resulting in firing or being forced out. "The deranged soundman attacked every department at the big juke box musical. Despite an overage, he attacked his boss, strangling the golden goose. He quit before his inevitable firing."

Expression of the Day: Local #1 karma

Local #1 karma-- where the punishment fits the crime. "After the propman threatened another head in front of a dozen witnesses in front of his own theater, he was thrown under the bus. This was a case of Local #1 karma, for the dopey propman owns a bus company in Jersey."

Expression of the Day: swan diving into the tar pits

swan diving into the tar pits-- after a decade of attacking his fellow stagehands, the Old Turd, a nasty old carpenter, finally assaulted a wardrobe supervisor, and was thrown out of his own theater. It was a fitting end to a disgraceful career. "I hear he went screaming as he swan dived into the tar pits."

Term of the Day: to Lady MacBeth someone

 to Lady MacBeth someone--to undo another person through plotting and personal attacks on their character.

Term of the Night: sled dog

sled dog--a stagehand who works furiously, without complaint or question. Will carry any heavy thing offered to him/her and does tasks quickly and well. See also: a working animal.

Term of the Day: work scared

work scared--when long-time stagehands at a venue fear for their jobs, and as a result are hostile to new or younger stagehands that come in.

Expression of the Day: stomping on thin ice

stomping on thin ice--when a stagehand is doing his/her best to destroy himself/herself. Possibility of building on previous self-destructive behaviors. "You are stomping on  thin ice. You've already gone in once. Do you want to go in again?"

Expression of the Day: "That stagehand? Two stars on Yelp."

"That stagehand? Two stars on Yelp."--When you hire an inept stagehand, it would be great to warn other heads not to hire him/her. "In the crunch of the load-in season, I hired a TV commando in the second year of her card time, struggling to break into Broadway. With virtually no experience, she tried to order experienced stagehands around and threw a tantrum when 'wash up time' came around and she was still working. She was slow, had few skills and complained about the many stairs that our archaic Broadway theaters have. I would never hire her again. 'That stagehand? Two stars on Yelp.'"

Overheard Stagehand Line #48: "Her resume and skills don't match her ego"

 "That contract prop sub is unbearable. She's never done a show from scratch. Her resume and skills don't match her ego."

Term of the Day: to be Nerded

 to be Nerded--when a show closes during the load in, usually when an investor pulls out. The musical "Nerds" was loading into the Longacre Theatre in the spring of 2016, when a truck pulled up with a large scenic flat. The production manager or carpenter told the stagehands not to unload the scenery and the truck went back to the shop. The load in was over and the show was dead. A lead producer later admitted that financing was not complete, but they grabbed an empty Shubert house, which are hard to get during the spring theater season. The same producer said "Nerds" was postponed, but the show has never been seen again.

The most recent Nerding happened on February 7th, 2024, when the one-man show "My Son's a Queer, But What Can You Do?" a London hit, stopped work during spotting at the Lyceum. The stagehands in the theater then started the restore that same day.

Term of the Day: small ears

small ears--a child. When a visiting child is in the building, cut your language. Or if there are children in the show, be more careful. "Watch out, there are small ears in the basement. Stop cursing." 

Overheard Stagehand Line #47: "He knows everything...."

"That guy? He knows everything but the rules."

Term of the Night: the whole Megillah

  the whole Megillah--everything that is under consideration, all the work, or a long, complicated story with many moving parts. "I can't take next week's call. The carpenter is going to give me the whole load in, the whole Megillah." From the Hebrew for religious scrolls.

Term of Day: Slum-Dog Millionaire resume

Slum-Dog Millionaire resume--when you pick up survival skills from different odd jobs and bouncing around in the stage world, TV and industrial events. You may learn some carpentry, some electric and may know how to run crews. Despite a chaotic resume, you may be perfect for the job. From the movie "Slum-Dog Millionaire," about Bombay street kids.

Stagehand Glossary v. 20, updated January, 5, 2024

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