Term of the Day: adult daycare

 adult daycare-- when an older boss comes to work every day, but delegates everything to his/her assistants, not working him/herself, using the job as a place to go. "The old head had entered the adult daycare period of his career, not leaving his office and only playing guitar all day."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #66: Would you call that an auto-fucking?

 Worried Stagehand: "Why have you stopped hiring me?"

Head: "I got sick of the bomb-throwing and the shit-stirring. I think you fucked yourself. Would you call that an auto-fucking?"

Expression of the Day: "no tools, no hardware, no interpersonal skills, no dignity"

"no tools, no hardware, no interpersonal skills, no dignity"--a Broadway production carpenter famous for coming to the theater empty handed and only bring his abrasive personality.

Term of the Night: a bomb thrower

 a bomb thrower--stagehand who intentionally says provocative things, to stir the shit. Often collapses when confronted with their bullshit.

Term of the Day: bird-dog someone

 bird-dog someone--to harass a coworker, usually maliciously.

Term of the Night: The Disappearing Stagehand

the Disappearing Stagehand--a stagehand who constantly disappears during the workday. "A friend recommended a young stagehand. He was good, he worked hard and took initiative, then he started disappearing multiple times during the workday. I realized that I had unknowingly hired the Disappearing Stagehand. For my last magic trick, I disappeared him back to the replacement room forever.

Term of the Day: manna from the heavens

manna from the heavens--an unexpected job. From the Old Testament reference. "My show closed and I had no prospects. The sudden opening on the prop crew at the Wintergarden was like manna from the heavens."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #36: "less than nothing"

Stagehand #1: "That old carpenter? He stays in his room watching gun shows and screaming at the TV."

Stagehand #2: "Yeah, it is pretty amazing. I didn't know you could do less than nothing."

Overheard Stagehand Line #64: "I don't trust that guy..."

 Famous Tough Head: "I don't trust that guy... he's always smiling."

Term of the Day: the fix was in

the fix was in--Things were determined a long time ago. “Even though the heads' jobs for the new Hudson Theatre were listed in the union newsletter,the fix was in months ago.”

Term of the Day: punch her ticket

punch her ticket—to send somebody back to where they came from, like off-Broadway. “The hateful designer was unfit for Broadway. We punched her ticket and sent her back to the Public Theatre.” Train reference.

Term of the Night--hundred-dollar headache

hundred-dollar headache--the hundred extra dollars the contract ahead makes doesn't make up for the headaches. "For a hundred dollars more than his/her assistant, the contract head gets all the blame and abuse that he/she can stand. That is a hundred-dollar headache." 

Overheard Stagehand Conversation #44: "I don't hit emotional cripples."

Stagehand #1:"I hear the old carpenter wants to take you out in the alley for a fight."
Stagehand #2: "He's out of luck. I don't hit emotional cripples."

Expression of the Day: a douchebag with a human face

 a douchebag with a human face--pleasant-seeming person who does horrible things behind your back.

Term of the Day: "Let me think about this for a few minutes"

"Let me think about this for a few minutes" -- code for "I'm going to the alley to call the business agent." When presented with an unsavory ask by the tech, say this to buy the time to go out to the alley to call the business agent.

Term of the Day: anger management issues

 anger management issues--sudden explosions from (usually) older stagehands. "Him? Don't take it personally when he suddenly starts screaming. The old carpenter just has some serious anger management issues."

Term of the Day: loading in sideways

loading in sideways--when the load-in of a show is already fucked up, with major technical issues and possibly financial ones. Does not bode well for a long run.

Stagehand Dialogue #31: "...make sure he's dead..."

Young Stagehand: "When that tech dies, are you going to his wake?"

Old Stagehand: "Of course. I have to make sure he's dead." 

Term of the Day: stagehand first aid

stagehand first aid-- paper towel and electrical tape. "Doing construction, the electrician cut his hand. His partner gave him stagehand first aid, bandaging him up with a paper towel and electrical tape.

Term of the Day--"Do it fast, do it wrong, do it over"

"Do it fast, do it wrong, do it over"--when stagehands work too fast and don't concentrate, the boss will have to make them fix their mistakes.

Expression of the Day-- "And the Easter Bunny is Dead"

"And the Easter Bunny is Dead"--your optimism is unwarranted, your dreams won't come true, your dreams will be crushed. "My extra man expressed hope that we'd get Sunday off during the last week of production. I said, 'That won't happen, and by the way, the Easter Bunny is dead.'"

Term of the Day: unmake a bad stagehand

unmake a bad stagehand-- to cure a young stagehand of bad habits. "That TV commando I got from the hall? She was a nightmare, more obsessed with breaks than doing her job. I'll never use her again. I don't have time to unmake a bad stagehand."

Term of the Day: to walk someone in

 to walk someone in--when a Broadway head with a lot of juice takes a protege and walks them into the office of the theater executive who hires heads. Also, to make an introduction to the the executive who does the hiring. For some legendary heads, this was a sure route of getting their own people hired as heads on Broadway.

Term of the Night: "Say anything, tell them nothing"

"Say anything, tell them nothing"--old Irish saying, good for dealing with shit-stirrers. Do not give any information that is useful. Give them blarney.

Term of the Day: uptight nice, uptight nasty

 uptight nice, uptight nasty-- two flavors of Broadway stage managers.

Term of the Day: to go Ghandi on someone

to go Ghandi on someone-- to refuse to do something, to use passive resistance, or maybe passive aggressiveness, to force a change.  "When the contract propman stopped providing the props for the lift rehearsals at half hour, the house head told the extra stagehands to go Ghandi on him and not do the rehearsals, so the contractman had to do them by himself."

Overheard Stagehand Line #54: "When the hateful old carpenter tantrums at work..."

"When the hateful old carpenter tantrums at work, he's not defending the union or even the jurisdiction....he's defending his damaged inner child."

Term of the Day: off-Broadway habits

off-Broadway habits--due to low pay, bad habits develop with some off-Broadway stagehands, including hiding, disappearing to make phone calls and vaping in the theater. "I hired some off-Broadway stagehands for a load in, but they couldn't seem to break some bad off-Broadway habits, like hiding at the end of the day when others were working."

Expression of the Day: "no mopes, no shirks, no jerks"

 "no mopes, no shirks, no jerks"-- "My hiring philosophy is easy to remember--no mopes, no shirks, no jerks."

Term of the Day: "I speak fluent Irish American"

"I speak fluent Irish American"--since Local #1 still has a large number of Irish American members, it is useful to understand the Irish American psychology. There are specific subsets, like the Westies of Hell’s Kitchen, Rockland County Irish, Queens Irish and Long Island Irish.

Term of the Day: ticket back to the replacement room

ticket back to the replacement room-- when a stagehand burns his or her own bridges with a head. "The rude young extra man punched his own ticket back to the replacement room during the load-in. He would have to shape the union hall for work."

Term of the Day: out-assholing each other

out-assholing each other--when two stagehands ramp up attacks on each other. "At a job once, I was caught between a drunk and a dry drunk. They hated each other and spent all their time trying to out-asshole each other." 

Overheard Stagehand Line #55: "When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation....

"When the old carpenter finally forced the confrontation, it was brutal for the old creep, but I had to teach him that it wasn't Las Vegas in 1982 anymore. No one else was going to do it."

Term of the Day: Jersey Attitude

Jersey Attitude-- a stagehand with an aggressive, stubborn attitude.  "The contract propwoman was very difficult, so I hired a day worker with a Jersey Attitude, to make her life hell during production." A Jersey Attitude can be a very effective weapon.

Overheard Stagehand Line #38: "Don't mind him, he's just being his usual asshole self"

Before he left Local #1 to become a nurse, the rage-filled stagehand used to threaten his fellow stagehands and the occasional star. I used to tell people, "Don't mind him, he's just being his usual asshole self." 

Combative Response of the Day: "I'm not a psychiatrist...."

"I'm not a psychiatrist...the damage was done long ago." In my first contract job, my boss hated me and kept trying to fire me. Once, he was screaming at me over a half-full trash can. With my sharp tongue, I cut him to bits. "I'm not a psychiatrist...the damage was done long ago," I said, feigning compassion. He was stunned speechless. The next day, he went back to trying to fire me. He never succeeded.

Overheard Stagehand Line #39: "Evil Gene was always happiest..."

"Evil Gene was always happiest when he was ripping off contract stagehands he'd hired of money they deserved." A reference to a now retired tech, famous for screwing stagehands who worked for him.

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #43: "I don't fuck scabs"

(Two Onesies in a bar are talking)

 Local One Stagehand #1: "That guy who is sweating you doesn't have a card."

Local One Stagehand #2: "I don't fuck scabs."

Local One Stagehand #1: "What, just kissing?" 

Term of the Day: a Thanksgiving turkey

a Thanksgiving turkey--a show that opens in the early fall, doesn't sell tickets and closes by Thanksgiving.

Term of the Days: big-hair musicals

big-hair musicals-- big, epic musicals from the 1980's, like "Cats," "Les Misrables" and "Phantom of the Opera."

Overheard Stagehand Dialogue #42: "That old shark has a couple of good bites left"

Stagehand:    "That tech keeps circling me...I think he's coming in for the attack."

Head:             "Watch out..that old shark still has a couple of good bites left."

Term of the Day: All-Day Ray

All-Day Ray-- famous mechanic, now retired, who was known for working slowly and taking all day on projects, big or small. When sent to the alley to build things during the load ins, you wouldn't see Ray until the end of the day.

Overheard Stagehand Line #33: "He never screwed me just for fun."

"That tech? He is the closest to honorable as techs get on Broadway. When I worked for him, he never screwed me just for fun."

Term of the Night: strangling the golden goose

strangling the golden goose--when a stagehand makes a concerted effort to destroy his/her cushy job, resulting in firing or being forced out. "The deranged soundman attacked every department at the big juke box musical. Despite an overage, he attacked his boss, strangling the golden goose. He quit before his inevitable firing."

Term of the Day: a white whale

 a white whale--an obsession that may end up destroying you. "I hate that guy...I have been trying to make sure he doesn't get his card time. It's become my white whale." This is a reference to "Moby Dick."

Term of the Day: small ears

small ears--a child. When a visiting child is in the building, cut your language. Or if there are children in the show, be more careful. "Watch out, there are small ears in the basement. Stop cursing." 

Term of the Day: blood in the water

blood in the water--when there is blood in the water, the sharks will come. When a head is on the cusp of being fired, other stagehands will start circling around for his/her job. See also: the vultures are circling

Term of the Day: deep-seeded hatred of stagehands

deep-seeded hatred of stagehands-- an irrational rage and hatred of stagehands. "The genial PSM, known for his candy drawer, had a deep-seeded hatred of stagehands that popped up periodically. His jovial self was not to be trusted."

Term of the Day: shark with a smile

shark with a smile--friendly and pleasant backstabber, known for sudden, brutal attacks. "She's a shark with a smile...everything is fine until she bites you."

Overheard Stagehand Line #49: "I haven't been this hated..."

"I haven't been this hated since third grade"--marveling at the rage and hatred of some older stagehands.

Term of the Day: work scared

work scared--when long-time stagehands at a venue fear for their jobs, and as a result are hostile to new or younger stagehands that come in.